EDEN SAT IN THE THICK GRASS opposite the name rock, just staring. She stared at all the unrecognisable names and imagined their stories. She stared at the names which she knew the stories on and remembered every second of their lives, smiling to herself at the funnier memories. Alby. Winston. Chuck. Mary. Teresa. She looked over them all and for once, did not feel the ounces of loss she had felt before. Then her eyes fell onto the gap where she had just chiselled his name. She could still feel the grit of the stone under her fingertips and focused on that instead of the pain that rose like a thunderous wave through her body.
Before she could get too deep into that thought, Thomas sank down in the sand next to her and joined in on her staring. "You okay?" she asked softly, gaze still fixated on the rock in front of them both.
"I'm okay," he responded, clearing his throat softly. Thomas and Eden both had an understanding. They were in the same type of pain, together. Thomas was the only one she talked to about the death and she was the only one he talked to about Teresa. They were each other's support through it all, spending many a sleepless night together on some bench with pointless conversation. They drank together too, not letting the other get discovered by Vince or Jorge who both believed their coping mechanisms were not healthy. They both helped each other were possible and coached each other through the tears. "You okay?"
"Peachy," she replied with a saddened smile, letting her eyes blur with tears for a moment. She sometimes simply found that she no longer had the energy to hold them back.
Thomas, in the silence that befell them, reached into his pocket and pulled out a tied black thread with a silver tube on the bottom "He uh, asked me to give this to you when I thought you were ready for it, " he cleared his throat, dangling the black wire over her outstretched hand.
"Thank you," she whispered back as he dropped the silver into her hand. She slipped her fingertips over the smooth metal, finding the cooling ever so satisfying. Now that she thought of it deeply, Eden had seen a black cord around Newt's neck on multiple occasions but never had saw what it was attached to. Eden smiled softly then stood, brushing the sand off the back of her trousers before she walked out onto the beach, wanting to be alone.
She stopped at a smooth rock, choosing to sit on it instead of the sand beneath her feet. As she pulled the cord over her head, being insanely careful not to break it, she watched the waves crash into each other in the very place their reunion had been within her dreams. The cruel trick her mind chose to play on her. As her mind slipped into sadness once again, Eden found herself tugging on the silver tube to keep herself grounded. Only when she tugged for the third time, the silver opened and the end fell onto the sand. Initially she did not realise what had occurred but when she did, she scrambled to scoop up the metal. She dusted off the sand that coated it, staring at the roll of paper within it. She smiled softly then pulled it free off the silver chamber, a smile falling as a dried daisy chain fell onto her lap. The very crown that had called his head home, now back in her possession. As she unfolded the paper, Eden attempted to compose herself for what was about to come. It had no effect on her reaction when she opened the letter and instantly recognized his loopy, scrawled handwriting that was perfect in every way possible.
She folded the letter over in her hand, looking up to the blue cloudless sky above her to try and compose herself. She sniffled deeply and brushed away the tears, wanting to read whatever message he had left with such intensity. After a few seconds, where she had closed her eyes and just listened to the waves rolling over each other, Eden felt as if she was ready and unfolded the paper again.
Dear Eden, this is the first proper letter I can remember writing. Actually, that's a lie. I've wrote dozens in the Glade. To you confessing things that we talk deeply about. You already know the contents of those letters, I've told you dozens of times. This is likely to be my last though. I want you to know that I'm not scared. Well, not of dying, anyway. It's more forgetting. It's losing myself to this virus, that's what scares me. So every night, when I know you're asleep, I've been saying their names out loud. Alby. Winston. Chuck. And I just repeat them over and over like a prayer, and it - And it all comes flooding back. Just the little things like where the sun used to hit the Glade at that perfect moment right before it slipped beneath the walls. And I remember the taste of Frypan's stew. I never thought I'd miss that stuff so much. And I remember you. So much about you that there would be no way I could write it all down. Like the hours you spent in the lab, the frizz in your hair when you get too stressed and the late night talks under the stars. I always thought I would have regrets when facing death and I do, just not in the ways I thought I would. I regret not telling you things sooner, not acting on the feelings as soon as I felt them. Maybe then we could have had more days. But looking back on it I wouldn't change a thing. I hated the pining and the uncertainty but I love - and will forever love- the outcome of it all.
This is not your fault. Remember that, mutter it to yourself if you need to. It's not your fault Pepper, I promise you. I'm so unbelievably proud of you, remember that too.
Take care of everyone for me. Take care of yourself too, that's the most important thing to me Pepper. You deserve to be happy. Don't be sad for too long, you promised you wouldn't be. Thank you for everything love. I don't think I could have been much happier. Love, Newt.
P.S. Keep the damn door to the med hut open would you?
YOU ARE READING
Little lies - NEWT
Fanfiction❝ I just wish you could see the way that I feel about you.❞ ❝ Show me.❞ - EDEN had spent the whole of her life, that she remembered, trying to find something within the chemicals that she was given every month. She had not found anything until a cer...
