Where the Skies are Blue

Chapter Thirty-One:

My first kiss was with a man named Zeppelin, like Led. He was in his late thirties, had shoulder-length brown hair that he would tie back into a bun, and always wore jeans with holes in the knees.

I was twelve and beginning to grow tired of the men coming and going from our trailer. Zeppelin started coming over more frequently. He played the drums, and his fingers were always tapping away to a nonexistent rhythm throughout the trailer. On every surface he could find.

Katherine was working as a bartender at the local bar when he came in one night and very quickly became her boyfriend.

He always smelled of sweat and wood. Like he had just gotten off a shift from cutting down trees.

I'd gotten used to hiding out in my room whenever Katherine had men over, as nearly all of them were scummy and never had good intentions. Though Zeppelin was sticking around longer than the usuals and very quickly, I began to get used to him being over. Hearing his drumming throughout the trailer or smelling the strong scent of wood chips. Sometimes in the mornings, he would make me eggs and bacon, forming them into a smiley face, and I always thought that was really neat. Him and Katherine didn't have huge fights like her past boyfriends. For the most part, Zeppelin was always rather quiet. The only way anyone would know he was there is from the rhythmic drumming of his fingers.

One night, he and Katherine stumbled into the trailer, reeking of strong alcohol, as I sat on the couch, reading a book. Katherine clumsily disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Zeppelin and I alone together.

I never felt uncomfortable around him before, so I didn't mind. Even when he came over and sat close to me on the couch, I still didn't feel any sort of unease. I gave him a small smile before turning my attention back to the book. He smelled and began to drum on the cover of my book, making me have no choice but to close it. Then his fingers began to drum on the top of my shoulder, and I laughed awkwardly, unsure of what he was doing.

He told me, "Always with your nose in a book." As he took it from my hands and dropped it onto the couch in between us. The sink turned on in the bathroom where Katherine was. "Have you had your first kiss yet?" He then asked.

I shook my head.

That's when he leaned over, planting his chapped lips on mine. I remember him tasting of alcohol. His hand snaked behind my head as he smashed his lips harder onto mine. My entire body froze, not even pushing him away. Why didn't I push him away? Why did I just sit there like a dead corpse?

My eyes remained open in confusion and fear as I looked at the slight stubble along his jaw. The way his eyelashes rest on his cheeks. A scar that stretched from his hairline to the middle part of his forehead. Even as we kissed, his thumb drummed on the back of my head.

I wanted to throw up. I hated myself for not doing anything. For even trusting him in the first place. Zeppelin wasn't different. In fact, he was worse.

He kissed me, eventually attempting to shove his tongue into my mouth, until the bathroom door opened up and Katherine came stumbling back out, making him pull away quickly.

Zeppelin grabbed my book, tossing it back onto my lap before standing from the couch and moving over to Katherine, who was glaring at me with a look of bitter distaste. The two of them moved into her bedroom, and I stayed frozen on the couch. Tears spilled out of my eyes before my wobbly legs finally brought me to the bathroom, where I threw up, trying to rid myself of his disgusting taste.

He kissed me twice more after that night, until finally, his and Katherine's relationship came to an end when his band left for Seattle to pursue their career. I know Katherine knows. That she saw. And instead, she hated me for it. I was to blame, not him.