Where the Skies are Blue

Chapter Eighteen:

When I finally make my way to the private beach behind Henry's house, I start to feel like I've gone a bit crazy. So many thoughts are racing through my mind at once. Unsure if I'm making a big deal of it or not. Wishing it never happened in the first place because this just made things so much more complicated.

I'm trying to convince myself it never happened because things have been so good, I've been happy for once. I don't want it all to be ruined.

I just want it to make sense. Or to rewind time and make sure this never happened. Emotions are coursing through me. Sadness. Anger. Confusion.

As I make my way up the stairs to the house, Katherine is sitting outside on the porch, cigarette in hand. I've never needed my mom before. Never asked for anything or looked for reassurance. But in this instance, I need her. A mom. Some guidance and comfort.

My lips quiver and I suck down my tears as I approach her slowly, my hand gripping my elbow and pulling my arm into my side. "Mom." My voice cracks.

She looks at me as I appear in the light of the porch. "You know I hate when you call me that. Why do I even need to still tell you that?"

My vision is blurry. She looks warped as I try to see through my tears.

Katherine nods her head slightly. "He got you good. Your face is already bruising."

"What do I do?" I ask quietly, my eyes pleading.

"Forget it ever happened."

"He punched me. Shouldn't we get the police involved or ask Henry for help? Don't you care?"

She laughs. "Oh, baby, do you really think you'll ever get someone better than Hunter?" She stubs out her cigarette, flicking it off the porch. "If you're smart, you won't make it a big deal. Hunter comes from money. He can give you opportunities and a future. Because the way you're headed, the best you'll get is giving truckers blowjobs for money."

My mouth drops. She doesn't care about me at all. In fact, she thinks so little of me she wouldn't even care if that became my future. The comfort I wanted from her I'm quickly regretting as I start to feel worse about myself and the whole thing.

Katherine gives me a sad smile and gets up from her chair to walk over to me. My body grows tense. "Baby, he's a guy. Now are you going to start listening to me when I say they're all the same?"

"Hunter isn't like your boyfriends. He's been kind to me."

"Just because you made a teenagers dick hard; doesn't mean he cares about you. Wake up, baby." She places her hand on my cheek.

I wince in pain, pulling away from her. "I don't know why I even bothered talking to you." I hiss at her before walking away into the house, where I hurry up the stairs to my room.

I don't even bother changing or looking in the mirror. Instead, I go straight to my bed, where I pull the covers up over my head. The darkness absorbing me. The silence overtaking me. I try to breathe. Try to push my tears away. But a dam is breaking, and suddenly the tears spill out. They've been trapped inside me for so long that once they spill out, I can't make them stop.

I sob and tremble and try to imagine where my dad might be right now. Flying across Europe. Visiting new countries. He's living a good life. I know he is. He's far away from Katherine and me, and he's never been happier.

I cry for hours. For so long, I wonder if my tears will create a river. My pillow is soaked. My eyes are swollen. My face hurts. I want to believe I deserve better than this. That this isn't the best I'll ever get. But I'm not entirely sure. Katherine's words haunt me. What if she isn't wrong?

My phone begins to vibrate, and I know it's probably a text message from Hunter. Telling me again how sorry he is and that it was a mistake. I thought I knew Hunter. We've grown close since I first met him. We spend so much time together. He's been nothing but kind to me and thoughtful. What made him lash out like that? It's like he transformed into a completely different person. A horrible version of himself.

Katherine is a shitty person, but maybe she isn't all the way wrong. About men and about what to do. I've seen all the horrible men come and go from both our lives. Always expecting something. Always as awful as the last. Maybe I don't know anything.

I'm in pain. Physically and emotionally. It's as if I've been split in half, and I can tell I've forever lost a part of me. A version of me that once lived. She's gone. I let my walls down for Hunter. I trusted him and he hurt me. I feel betrayed and completely stupid. Hunter is the last person I ever imagined doing something like this. It doesn't feel real.

I don't want it to be real.

***

I walk to school that following morning. My eye completely black and blue. My cheek discolored as well. A small cut. Wounds reflecting what Hunter did to me. Even makeup couldn't completely hide what he did.

I feel so ashamed. Embarrassed. Hurt.

Just this morning, he sent me a handful of texts, expressing how sorry he is. And somehow, there's a part of me that feels bad. That blames myself. I'm being torn. I keep telling myself he made a mistake and he's showing how sorry he is and I'm making this whole thing a bigger deal than it really is. Then there's another part of me that is so angry with him. That he put his hands on me. That I let a guy do to me what countless others have done to Katherine. I've judged her, asking myself how she could ever let a guy do that to her, yet the same thing happened to me. And I'm blaming myself for it. I'm feeling sorry for him.

What is wrong with me?

I'm not ready to see Hunter. To face him quite yet. I'm angry and hurting, but I'm worried if I see him now, I'll just want to squash the whole thing in hopes that there won't be any problems. I can't cause drama for myself here, and there's no way in hell I can handle another school of people hating me. Hunter rules this place. If he wants to, he can destroy my reputation, and once again, I'll be hated and whispered about.

As soon as I step into the school, my stomach bottoms out at the sight of Hunter. He's standing with his hands stuffed in his jeans pockets, waiting by the door, obviously for me, because as soon as he spots me, he rushes over, a worried look on his face.

I shake my head, throwing up my hand, signaling for him to not get any closer. "Hunter, don't." I hiss under my breath as he brings himself close to me.

"Auden, can we please just talk? I'm so fucking sorry."

"Not right now." I dive for the nearest bathroom and veer towards a stall, locking myself inside as I try to get control of my breathing. I feel like I'm drowning underwater, and I can't catch my breath. There's this knot in my chest growing tighter and tighter.

When the bell rings, I don't feel any better. I can already tell today is going to be the longest day imaginable. Do I just avoid the cafeteria altogether? The only friends I've made here are Hunter's friends.

Everything I have here so far is because of Hunter. He's the only reason anybody knows me and has been nice to me. Without him, I'm invisible. I'm nothing.

When I slink into my first period, I avoid eye contact with Wednesday and slip into a seat in the front of the class. I doubt Hunter has told them anything, but my mind is panicking and assuming the worst. I don't want to have to explain my bruised face to countless people today. I need to fly under the radar until it heals up.

As I stare blankly down at my desk, I don't hear anything the teacher has to say the entire duration of class. My leg shakes underneath the desk. This sickness grows in the pit of my stomach. Sadness and shame merge into one.

It sort of feels like a horrible dream. As if, it never really happened. I've woken up from a nightmare. But then I look in the mirror and am reminded how real it really is. How badly he hit me. How my face and head still hurt from it all. How all the butterflies inside my stomach that once danced around have now died. They lay completely still. Any ounce of happiness I was beginning to feel is now squandered. I want to laugh at the fact that I felt it at all. Was it even real? I knew it was too good to be true. I got ahead of myself.

People like me don't get the happy ending like Ender said. People like Hunter do. The ones who are untouchable.