King of the Don's

forty six

Vaughn

After almost a week of our stay in the NICU, we were cleared to bring Atticus home from the hospital. And as you would have it, it proved to be a challenge. We knew our boy was going to have a rough start when he was born a few weeks early. But, his lung growth had been fine, and he was a healthy baby.

But even with the Good news, Briar was overwhelmed. Her OBGYN had diagnosed her with PPA, or postpartum anxiety. We had hired a night nanny to help us get some sleep, and to alleviate Briar's symptoms. Esmeralda was a former pediatric nurse who worked in Boston for almost thirty years before retiring.

But Briar was constantly worried that something was wrong. She called the pediatrician about five times a day, and visited him about four times a week since the day Atticus had been released from the hospital.

I walked into our bedroom, and Briar was lying on the bed trying to get Atticus to eat. I sat down next to her on the bed, and ran my hand through her hair. I could tell my little wife was was frustrated. Atticus wasn't calming down enough to latch correctly, and Briar always became antsy when that happened.

"Here, sweet girl." I reached out for the baby, "Let me take him so you can get a break." I told my little sleep deprived wife, and she ran a hand over her face, "No. He needs to eat."

She reached for him back, and I shook my head, "And you need a minute to take a breather. I'll warm up some frozen milk. Go take a shower or get something to eat."

She gave me a tense look, "You have to-"

"Heat it up under the tap. No microwave. I know, sweet girl." I reached out to hold onto her face and she leaned into my hand with a sad face, "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be clipped with you when you're just trying to help." She leaned further into my hand.

"I'm just tired, hungry and need to poop but can't." She let out a breath, and I smiled. I wanted to remind her to utilize Esmeralda, but I knew it wasn't the time.

"Go eat and do whatever else you need to do. Leave the estate if you would like. Take the rest of the day." I reassured her. "Please. For me."

She reluctantly agreed, and after a few hours I had Atticus fed, asleep and in the baby carrier strapped to my chest. We were in the kitchen and I was eating a chicken salad sandwich, when Briar came down the steps. She was freshly showered and while she looked a little better, I could tell she'd been crying.

"Briar," I hummed, reaching out to pull her into my chest the best I could with Atticus strapped to me.

"I'm sorry," She wiped her tears, but I shook my head. "Why don't we call Esmeralda come in here for a few hours so we can lay down?" I asked, and she instantly stiffened. "No." She shook her head.

"Baby, we didn't sleep last night or the night before," or any night before this child has been born, "You need to rest your body. You gave birth, and need to be easier on yourself."

I wanted my little wife to experience motherhood however she wanted. But at the same time, she was being hard on herself. I knew she felt guilty about having a nanny, but we had the resources for one.

I also didn't want to sleep while she was up with the baby. It wasn't fair that I got eight hours of uninterrupted rest, while she had to feed him.

So while the baby ate at night, I sat with Briar while she fed him, and helped her any way I could. The doctor said it could help ease her PPA.

"I'm fine, Vaughn. Seriously." She told me, and went to the fridge to pull out some leftovers from the night before. She ate silently, and I knew she wasn't going to budge on this, and I wasn't going to push her.