Double Standards

66

Riley

"Do we have to go right now?" I ask causing Jonah to nod his head
"Can I go and see my Dad first?" I continue causing Jonah to sigh
"No Riley I'm really sorry but you aren't able too, we have to go now but I've got to inform you that I won't be in that ward with you, you'll be with others instead since I'm not a midwife so I can't be there" Jonah explains

"Okay.." I sigh before looking down at my hands
This wasn't how I imagined I'd bring the twins into this world at all.. saying that I never thought that Beth would kidnap me and beat me but here we are

I can't even spend an entire day awake like I should be doing instead I'm awake for around f4 hours and last time I checked being a parent means you need to be ready for them whenever they need you but how can I do any of that when I'm like this?
How can I look after them when I'm still recovering from what Beth did to me?

So many different thoughts go through my head as I'm being wheeled down to the Maternity and Labour ward  and I couldn't help but think of everything bad going on. It doesn't help that Dad is fighting for his life on the other side of this hospital either, he was supposed to be in the waiting room ready with open arms to see his grandchildren but will he even get the chance to meet them?

"Hi Riley my names Savannah, I'm your midwife today! We're going to be inducing you in about half an hour, we just need to connect you up to some machines so we can check everything as we're going through" Savannah explains softly
"We'll try and go through with a vaginal birth however if that's not possible then we'll go and have a c-section but don't panic we're trained and we'll make sure you're safe" Savannah continues

"What if I can't stay awake? I've not recovered myself from my injuries so I'm not sure how I'm supposed to push the twins out" I timidly ask
"If that does happen we'll have to go through with a c-section but we'll try our best to avoid that" Savannah explains causing me to nod my head

I knew the answer before I asked it but I had so many thought running through my mind nothing made sense to me..

—

I'm not sure how many hours had passed but I woke up to it being pitch black outside and James asleep on the pink chair beside me. I try and move myself so I'm a bit more comfortable but as I do I'm met with a huge wave of shooting pain causing me to call out in agony
Seems like my pain killers for the beatings has worn off

I press my call bell and in walks Savannah a minute later with a warm smile on her face
"How are we?" Savannah asks as she walks over
"Can I please have something for the pain?" I beg
"Would you like an epidural?" Savannah questions causing me to nod my head
"Alright I'll go and inform the nurse and as soon as she's able too she'll come and fit that for you" Savannah explains causing me to nod my head again as I try and bear the pain

Giving birth is painful as it is but this was next level due to my body not being 100%
My body was so weak and every inch of me was a dark shade of purple with a hint of blue here and there, I must look like a state to everyone that works here and I know people were staring and talking as I was being wheeled across making me just want to be left alone but that isn't possible in a hospital

This wasn't the way things we're supposed to be and I couldn't get that out of my head
I take a look over at James and see he's still fast asleep meaning my one comfort who always knows when I'm spiralling can't help me and that can he quite scary..