7/5/2022
I just feel empty at this point. Last night was horrible. I wish I could just turn the ability of feeling spirits off. So anyways, what has been happening is that I've been forming some crushes with some of my coworkers. I think whichever spirit is with me at night feels jealous that I have emotions for someone else. There is also a coworker that has feelings for me, though I don't feel the same. Last night, I felt like they let their jealousy and anger take over. They were rougher than usual. It felt overwhelming. I'll write in first person to describe what happened.
I crept into the bed and felt the spirit behind me creeping closer too. This was normal, though I didn't expect them to reach for my chest and I pushed them away. Though to my dismay, they got even closer and held me tighter. Then they slipped a hand under my hoodie and I felt their sharp nails trace around my stomach. I felt another hand on my neck. My eyes were wide open and I wished it was over already.
It hurts it hurts.
I deserve it.
NO!
I don't deserve this. I don't deserve pain.
I pulled my stomach in to avoid the sharp nails. That's when I started to notice the buzzing and a dark energy everywhere. I felt it overwhelm my senses. Since I was constricting my stomach, I didn't want to breathe too deeply. Though as I felt a fear and panic spread throughout my body I started taking quick and fast breaths. The energy clouded my brain and I felt powerless. I got up from my bed to grab my phone. When I looked at the time, I noticed it was 11:33 pm. The number felt significant. I looked at my phone till 1:11 pm since I was starting to fall asleep.
When I snuck into bed, I heard one of my doors open and I also the sound of something touching my window and a motorcycle passing by. I kept my eyes open to see if I could see anything. The shadows turned into faces and strange shapes. I didn't want to look anymore, so I forced myself to close my eyes. It took me a while to fall asleep. I kept tossing and turning, though eventually fell asleep. I dreamt of something, though it was too confusing to remember.
I did some readings on the spirit who is with me and I think they want to break me down, so I don't resist and stay away from people. I don't want to. I'm sick of isolating myself from real people. I want to be able to have friends and feelings for others. I don't want to feel constricted or like I'm someone's possession or chew toy.
