Jack was broken. Being the sole survivor of a massacre that killed his entire family while still a child weighed heavily on him. Fearing for his life as the sole heir of the Stonehold pack, his uncle took him away to raise him far from the only home...
It surrounds me and takes over me when I least expect it. From everywhere at any time.
We could be talking about something as silly as the weather or as deep as the water crisis, anything can catapult me into a world of pain for what I've lost.
Lost forever.
And seeing Elsa's pregnant belly grow each day doesn't help matters. But I would never make her feel bad for it or rain on her beautiful miracle.
The miracle is not the child, it's having her unmated pregnancy be converted into a mated one. That's something only a Goddess can do. Literally.
She cried for my loss the most as it's pain only she can begin to relate. Even so, she's been doing great, her and the baby. Fortunately.
I wouldn't want my downfall to be hers. I don't wish that on anyone.
But the worst part is that looming feeling of inadequacy, of feeling I'll never be good enough to be an Alpha's mate. You know, like what was brought up by people commenting on Sarah being Tony's mate. Remember that?
It never really goes away. The insecurities. The doubtfulness.
But hey, it's not all bad.
I get to return to warrior training and wrestling practice. I'm just sorry I missed the last tournament. I would've crushed them.
Anyway, I'll take any chance of seeing my devilish hot mate naked in the shower. Plus, just to tease him when we're together lifts my spirit up like nothing else.
In other news, my (future) house is coming up nicely. Mom and I have been hard at redecorating it with new furniture and appliances, the works.
I'm sure Jack is getting a severe credit card bill lately, not that he ever complained about it.
Actually, I don't think he is the one who pays his own bills. Rich people, am I right?
Mom also said she would keep remaking one of the rooms into a nursery as we can't give up on the idea of a baby.
'It was a set back, nothing else', she said to me.
It's a painful memory but she's not wrong. We need to paint a picture of what we want, not what we have now.
Even if it's delusional. It's good to be deluded some times.
I cry when I see the baby stuff she had bought already. Honestly, I can't wait to move in.
I need more naked time with Jack. Even though he avoids being alone with me like the plague.
'I'm not hurting your chances of having another baby by going in too soon', he told me with a concerned tone.
What's not to love, am I right?
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