Confessions of a Submissive Wife

CHAPTER 19

My First Love

Danielle

2017

Ezra North. I'll never forget that name, he was my first everything, my first kiss, my first love and need I say, my first lover. We unofficially dated for a year before we made it official...or should I say, I made it official. I was sick of being in the shadows of what appeared to be a loving relationship in private, but we could not express our affection in public, mostly because of his classist and egregious mother.

My senior year rapidly approached as many of my friends planned for their next step in life. I was sitting in the guidance counselor's office going over all the college applications and brochures, listening to her go on and on about which school she thought would suit me. Midway through her Northwestern pitch, my stomach began to rumble and a pain shot through my lower abdomen. I began to feel very nauseous and before I could attempt to run to the restroom, the meat loaf I had for lunch turned my stomach into a volcano ready to erupt. I grabbed her trash can and vomited what felt like everything I ate that day. I was so embarrassed and felt horrible for throwing up in her trash can, but I began to feel even worse when I sat in the nurse's office.

She began to ask me a series of questions before she examined me. The thought of food poisoning never crossed my mind but Lunch lady Judy always seemed a little shady when she slapped the mash potatoes and gravy on our trays. One day, I saw her lick her finger while she was serving us lunch, I totally skipped lunch that day.

Maybe it a stomach virus or even motion sickness, I thought as she pressed down on my belly button. She poked me all over my stomach. As she was writing her notes in her little pad, I was getting the feeling that she was a little disgusted with me. Every so often she would take a deep breath and shake her head in shame, barely making eye contact with me. Now I see why no one liked her...she's rude, I thought as I buttoned my jeans. I was so ready to get out of there and go to my anatomy class, but nothing could prepare me for what she asked me next, "When was your last period?"

I honestly could not recall. I wasn't one of those girls that checked often, in fear of being pregnant; that was the furthest thing from my mind. I answered and said, "I don't know."

"You girls really need to learn how to protect yourselves," she said as she handed me my slip to go back to class. I left the nurse's office with shame written all over me. I looked back and she was still shaking her head in shame. There's no way I can go to class and focus on dissecting a gummy bear now, so I decided to go home early that day, but not before I stopped at the pharmacy to buy a home pregnancy test. How should I choose the right one? It was so many to choose from that I just grabbed a few of them. Ms. Jennie walked in the pharmacy as I was at the register paying for the test. The cashier was taking so long with giving me my change, I just grabbed the test and ran out the door. I was praying Ms. Jennie didn't see what I was buying. She and her other gang of old ladies in the neighborhood were the worst, in everybody's business, while they lived in glass houses themselves. They were the kind of women that knew everything and everybody. They were better at reporting the news than the media themselves. They would throw what they called a book club with only one book, the bible. They never read it because they were so busy gossiping about everyone in the neighborhood.

I paced back and forth and forth and back as I anxiously waited for the timer to go off. Ting... I heard as the timer notified me that the test finished. My heart pounded and pounded as I began to pray to the Lord that I was not pregnant. I was so afraid of what the results were, I could not go look for myself, so I called Pam over to do it for me. I couldn't find the words to tell her so I just pointed at the bathroom and she walked in. In seconds, her eyes popped out of her face as she shook her head in shock, waving her arms up and down, and shaking about like a child needing to go potty.