Don't Forget About Me

17. Spiritual Feelings

He shakes his head and chuckles. It’s enough to break the weird tension between us. I wonder if he’s laughing at me, or with me or something else.

“I’m glad that I can read you,” he finally tells me. “Otherwise I’m sure I would be too scared to even talk with you. I can’t see that you like me. You keep pushing me away like you don’t want me.”

“I want you,” I assure him quickly. “We just met. So will you forgive me for hurting Kate?”

He nods sadly. “It’s not for me to forgive. It’s really between you and Kate and she doesn’t blame you. She’s just worried that everyone is mad at you. She loves you so much.”

“And I love her,” I say with a thick voice. I’m touched by the fact that Kate cares for me so much.

“Kate is a shattered soul,” he explains further. “She will heal during time, but never fully recover to who she once was. Her mind will always be trapped at the Island. She will never forget and move on from that.”

I feel tears stinging in my eyes. I will never get over the fact that my sister was stolen from me either. I’m not sure I ever will be able to find peace with the Wolf Spirits again even if I do try my best. The doubts will always be there. I’ll die halfway through the struggle anyway.

“So will you tell me what you meant to say earlier when I so rudely insulted you for wanting to jump me?”

I think he knows how hard it is for me to admit I did something wrong. My Ninjan pride prevents me from stepping down from the superior thinking. It’s just that I’m not superior at all facing a Spirit. I’m far from it actually.

I watch his serene face while my heart is melting under his stare. I am starting to feel hot and suddenly I don’t mind if he actually decides to take me here and now. The thought makes me excited and I barely recognize myself for thinking like this.

“We must connect on a spiritual level before we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Only then will you feel confident in being my mate and become calmer. We don’t have to touch or even kiss to reach that state. This is what mates like Tom and Leanne are feeling. You will not feel rushed to make any progress between us.”

“Thank you,” I moan relieved over what he just said. “How do we get to that point?”

“I need you to trust me. Can you do that?”

I’m not a fan of his idea and I take a step back. I will not trust myself with anyone else. I want to be in control. It’s not that I want to distrust him; he just didn’t earn my trust yet. He holds out his hand with a small smile and I wonder if I should take it. I don’t want to submit to him.

“We are equals,” he tells me shaking his head. “Did I not ask you to see me as a man?”

“That’s quite hard,” I tell him quietly while I’m fighting against my own feelings.

The lovesick part of me wants to jump right into his arms and kiss him senseless. He did make the pain in my heart go away. Who else is able to do that? The Spirits matched me with the best suited mate. I am just not ready to let go and give my heart to someone else. I don’t want to be vulnerable.

“Love makes you stronger, you know?” he says slowly and takes a step back. “If you’re not interested, then I’ll head back to Kate.”

Oh, his words stings and I shake my head furiously. I hate that I’m not his number one. I thought that was the whole point of having a mate. I’m happy that Kate has a Spirit guarding her, but why must it be my mate?

“I don’t want you to go,” I beg him shamefully. “How can I learn to trust you if you want to run back to Kate every second I’m trying to figure out my feelings.”