Let Me In | Herophine Fic

I Don't Like This

Morning, son. We had tears last night, Mila saw what happened at the match. Just be gentle with her when you pick her up from school today. Are you sure you don't want to talk? X

Fuck. Mila saw what happened. The one person along with Jo who I really didn't want to see me acting the way I did. It sounds wrong of me because my behaviour was unacceptable and I let people down, but I don't care about anyone else's opinions of it. They don't know the reasoning behind it. I've no idea how she's going to respond to me when I pick her up from school and that terrifies me. My daughter's such an emotive girl too and I have no idea what to expect. This news just solidifies that returning to London is the last thing I want to do.

***

I've clock watched since I arrived home but thankfully, as Mila's finishing time is nearly here, I have something to try and focus on. My little girl. My Mila. She'll be finishing school at any minute and will be home with me until after Christmas. They're finishing early this year, why I couldn't tell you. But I'm glad they are, I can focus all my efforts and my mind on her to try and push past this self-sabotage.

Pulling into the school car park, I drive around a few times, up and down the rows, searching for a space. When I finally see one come available, I drive quickly, pressing down onto the accelerator to pull into the space. They're so hard to come by, obviously because of how many kids go to this school. But I've found one now so I drive in, pull the handbrake up and switch my car off. Pulling the key out of the ignition, I reach into the glove compartment and reach for my Heroes cap, remembering swiftly how Jo always used to point out the irony of this hat. Sighing, I pull it into place and open the door, pushing out of the car before locking it behind me.

I pace through the car park and onto the path leading to the playground. Already it's packed with parents and knowing there's a chance the people standing around me watched last night, I keep my head and eyes down, thankful I got changed before I came here.

The school bell rings for the last time and all the doors open in tandem. The teachers open the door and I see Mila waiting to be let out. Still, she doesn't look herself. The glow in her green eyes isn't there and she looks so sad. I've got to try and be more normal around her, this is affecting her just as much as me. And I already know about the tears, so as mum said in her text this morning, I've got to be gentle with her. She moves to the front of the queue and she looks around before her eyes find mine. But there's something in them that I've never seen before. Something I never want to see in my little girl's eyes... Fear. They're wide and worried as she tentatively points to me before wandering away from the teacher and to me.

Slowly, she walks over to me, her eyes still wide and worried. She must've seen it all. She's seen me acting up. And I've scared her. I've scared my daughter. Good God, no. I open my arms to her and she cautiously walks into them, her eyes still fearful.

"Hello, Princess," she doesn't say anything. Her arms stay by her side too and she doesn't hug me back.

"I saw you yesterday, daddy. You were angry," her voice trembles as she tentatively wraps her arms gently around my shoulders. I'm going to have to be cautious with this one. She's clearly upset and scared after seeing me act the way I did at Anfield. She's never seen me angry before, I rarely get angry and if I am I keep it away from her. This is a first for her but the last thing I want to do is scare my daughter.

"I was, darling. And I'm sorry you saw me that way. How daddy acted isn't the right way to act when you're angry," Mila sighs as she pulls away, her eyes still fearful but not as fearful as they were before.