𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄 | 𝐃.𝐌

ƒσяту-ѕєνєη

W A R N I N G: mentions of suicide.
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ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ꜱᴘᴏᴛɪꜰʏ ᴘʟᴀʏʟɪꜱᴛ
ʙʏ ᴋɪʀꜱxᴛʏ. ʟɪɴᴋ ɪꜱ ɪɴ ʙɪᴏ.
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It was only when Vienna left did she realise how big of a fool she made of herself. She felt ashamed, guilty and embarrassed. She knows she has some form of mental problem, maybe depression or bipolar or whatever else. Her life has been a constant circle of being hurt (both mentally and physically). Then doing something bad like drugs or drinking alcohol, to forget and feel numb and emotionless again. A constant repeat.

But one thing never changes, she is constantly looking for a moment of freedom. A weightless moment, with no pain or fear. And whether that moment will be achieved by death or something else. She is unsure. Still searching for that moment of quiet.

But death does sound peaceful. It had been a fantasy of Vienna's life for a long time. Ever since her mother's suicide. Something was always at the back of her mind. It was the only thing that felt like freedom.

However, even death scared her. Scared that she wouldn't escape by turning her beautiful body into a corpse.

Only one thing had stopped her from doing it. Her mother. Lilith wanted Vienna to be happy and live a life she couldn't. Vienna didn't want to end her life the same way her mother did. Alone and unloved. She wanted to show her mother that she was strong, that she survived the fight that she could not.

Although, Vienna has never once blamed her mother for taking her own life. Suicide isn't how Vienna wants to leave this earth. But it will always be an option.

At least that is what she thought until she fell in love with Draco and he is all she needed to stay here. And now a life without Draco doesn't seem like a life at all.

But those episodes where that voice in the back of her head is calling for her, to be free, to just end this suffering and pain now.

Vienna doesn't know what came over her. She could be dead now, just because she wanted to feel something other than the fear and sadness in her heart. That one manic episode almost cost Vienna her life, and she didn't want to die. Not yet, not when she has Draco who loves her.

She is finally loved, a feeling she has been begging to feel forever. And she finally has it but still isn't enough.

She could still see the way Draco looked at her, the fear in his eyes. She could still hear his voice begging her to stop — to put the gun down — but she didn't. And when she pulled the trigger. That sadness turned to relief and then flickered to anger.

She didn't blame him for telling her to leave. She deserved it. But can you blame her for just wanting to feel something? To feel free from this life of tournament?

As she lay in her bed and attempted to fall into slumber, she realised that the feeling of freedom and adrenaline only lasted a few seconds, when she pulled the trigger. And she decided it wasn't worth it. If she wanted a more permanent feeling, the bullet would have had to go through her brain and ended it for good.

𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁

The next morning Draco waited for Vienna outside the great hall before breakfast. He didn't want to stay mad at her for no longer. Even though he wanted to kill her for doing that to him. She almost killed herself right in front of his eyes. If she did, he was certain he would have picked up the gun and shot himself before he could process her death.