Tahani's Reality (Urban)

|Hiding Secrets|

•Tahani Lowars•
"Hani"

I emptied out everything I ate into the toilet for the hundredth time. Thanking God that Taj wasn't here. He's been so worried about my lately, it's like one minute I'm fine and the next I feel horrible.

Then with him throwing that whole baby topic in my face I've been hiding me feeling sick from him. I told him I wanted some ice cream just so I can throw up when he left without him here.

Believe it or not I'm sensitive to the whole having a baby topic. I grew up raised by religious parents who made me walk on egg shells and never live. Then the second I did finally live a little my life went to shit and a lot of bad things happened to me. Through that entire process the people who claimed to love me and had raised me just up and disappeared. Naomi and Issac became the only parents I believed I could trust and rely on. Over time I only believe I can rely on them. Naomi to be exact broke that trust when she let me go on thinking Taj was dead. Basically my examples of parents aren't the best. I still have so much growing to do. I don't even know for sure what I want to do in my life. I'm still so young. Me and Taj have been through so much and a baby would only further complicate that. As fucked up as it is to say I hope and pray I'm not pregnant. I'm not in the right head space to be a mother and I'd hate for a child to grow up with messed up parents like I did.

Not to mention I thought that Taj knew that Jesse was pregnant with his child. Or possibly has his child now. But judging by what he said during our conversation about me being the "first" woman to carry his baby now I see he doesn't know. And something real selfish and bitter inside of me kept that from him. Maybe I just wanted to bask in the fantasy of being his first and only mother of his children.

Even if I'm not really ready to be one.

I hear the front door open and I quickly stand up closing the bathroom door I lock it. I run the water and start to brush my teeth. Minutes later I hear slight knocking on the bathroom door. "Baby? Baby?" He calls out.

"Did you get it?" I ask curiously.

"Uh yeah," his voice comes in muffled. "But ice cream and pickles on the side. Com'on that shit a nasty ass mix."

"I'm not gone eat em together," I lie. "I just gotta taste for it."

Suddenly he's opening up the door. When I meet his grey eyes I can tell he has a lot on his mind. He looks away. "Hani don't be mad at me, okay?"

My mind starts racing thinking of what he could've done. "What you mean? What you do?" I question placing my hands on my hips.

He doesn't answer and I watch a nervous expression fill his face. I reach for him gently gripping his face I force him to look at me. "Taj what the fuck did you do?" I repeat myself. Already being mad before he's even gotten a chance to tell me.

"It's just," he pauses. "You've been so sick lately and you be trynna hide it but I know you baby. So I got worried and told...."

"Told what?" I raise an eyebrow.

"I told Issac and Naomi to come over."

"You did what?" I snap moving away from him. "Ain't shit even wrong with me it's just a stomach flu. Fuck is you calling them for?"

"Because we don't know that for sure! And I'm trying to help to the best of my ability but ion know what to do! You won't take my test and I don't know what's wrong with you!" He raises his voice at me and I can hear the worry in it. Taj's face softens and when he speaks he's calmer. "I'm just scared. Alright?"

I run a hand down my face still mad. "So you called the last person on Earth I wanted to speak to...?"

"I'm just saying I know that if you are... you know then she's the only person who will say the right thing. She's like your mom Tahani." He reminds me.