Tahani's Reality (Urban)

|Imported Pt2|

•Tahani Lowars•
"Hani"

"Something don't feel right." My Aunt stresses as she sits on my bed watching me pack.

I sigh. "You always do this. I'm going to be safe, I'm gone take some guns with me and I'll have my phone next to me the whole time."

Naomi shakes her head her face filled with worry. "Niecy I'm serious. Okay? It's like my stomach is hurting real bad and something is saying don't go. Last time this happened you got into that accident."

I run a hand down my face taking a deep breath I take a seat beside her. "You ever feel like this ain't what you want to do? Not who you want to be?"

She nods her head slowly. "Back when I was your age. Me & Issac just got together, the life of being in something like this was hitting me hard. I adjusted and soon became addicted to this shit. Till I had my first child. I ain't never wanna leave so bad."

"Why'd you want to leave?" I ask curiously.

She looks over at me then continues. "It's easy when you risking your own life. If I'm being real I ain't give a fuck about my life. But it's when you in love, or got a baby. Then there's a new fear in you. Now you got two other people to worry about." She explains.

I nod listening to her. "Shit and I learned the hard way that this shit not all fairytales. My daughter was shot multiple times. Zy sitting there holding her as she bleeds out. Dead before the ambulance came," she shakes her head remembering it. "She wasn't no thug, never smoked, never even sold a damn thing. Had a full drive to a medical school. She was proof it don't matter how far away you are from the shit. If you too close for just one second too long. It'll all come crashing down on you. That's why I can't even blame Zy for moving away from us."

"You mean that?" I question basically asking her if she really doesn't hold grudges about her son leaving them.

I can tell by the looks on her face that she's saying that because she feels she has to. "As a mother I have to. But as a person it hurts you know? Never left my kids behind. So why would he leave us like that?"

She quickly tries to uplift the calm move. "But at least I got you. God sent you. You know you're like a daughter to us," she stands up grabbing my clothes she starts to put them in my suit case. "So if you want to go on that trip I support you."

Truth is this shit ain't never felt right. I wake up day after day going to work the only thing motivating me being that this is what Taj used to do. But lemme tell you some real shit most people who live the lives me my aunt & uncle do. It's not all it's cut out to be. We talk about the money, how set we are, and make it seem like we're savages with no feelings. Will at least I'm not just a savage with mo feelings. In the middle of the night I lay in bed my thoughts killing my slowly. Would God forgive me for the things I did? The people I've hurt? The lives I've taken? How could I be so sure that my future will hold greatness if I'm taking away others futures? This family business is like a target on my back. And though I wouldn't trade Naomi & Issac for the world, the moment I met them is when mine went left. I don't want to live this life all the time. Sometimes I miss who I used to be. The image of her so distant I don't even know her anymore. But I know enough to know that she was a good person. A person who God would've blessed.

Now I'm a person who will one day reap what they sow.

"Ya know I know that I haven't always been right and we've had some tuff times. But I hope you know every move I've made I've did it for your best interest in mind." She promises me.

I nod my head slowly finding her saying that a little odd. It's a sweet thing to say but the timing and her tone makes me feel like it's something hidden beneath her words. I didn't have time to dwell on it though. I got a text from Mulo saying he was on his way to pick me up so we can head to the airport.

I don't know why but for some reason as I was packing I decided to pack Taj's sweatshirt he gave me a long time ago. I hardly ever wore it anymore unless it was to sleep. Naomi looks me in the eyes and we both share a look. I didn't know what it meant in that moment but I'd soon know later.

She was saying something didn't feel right about what's about to happen or could happen.

But for the first time in my life it felt like real soon everything was about to feel just right.

ANONYMOUS

I watched as he sat in his old room looking around before taking a seat on the bed. "Does anything feel familiar?" My mom asks him peaking over my shoulder at him.

"I don't really mess with the blue." He says bluntly. Messing with his hair, twisting his braided singles around his fingers. His hand shaking a little bit.

"That's your favorite color." I speak up.

"I know that." His voice is now sharp. I can tell he's irritated.

I cross my arms over my chest. "We could've just kept you where you were comfortable."

"You know where I was comfortable." He argues.

"Okay okay everybody calm down," my mom jumps in the middle. "Baby we know where you'd rather be but trust me you're better off where you are. With family. That's the best thing for you right now. The doctor said-"

"I know what they said." He stands up walking over towards his bags pulling out his folder and spreading his drawings all over his dresser. "I'm not stupid."

My mom shoots me a glance before looking back at him. "I know sweetheart nobody is saying that. We don't think you're stupid, right?" She asks me.

I clear my throat shaking my head my eyes watering slightly. "Nobody thinks that. But you're not right, it's a miracle that-"

"Maybe we should just let him be alone for right now." She cuts me off.

I look at him trying to figure out when everything in life went so wrong. His focus on those drawings as if we aren't even there. "I miss her."

"You don't even know who you're missing!" I get mad raising my voice at him.

He turns around a mug on his face. "Don't say that! She's somewhere if I could just-" the sound of a baby crying causes us all to be quiet.

"Shit." I curse turning around I head towards my baby's room.

Judging by those drawings he's not stupid. And there's only a short amount of time left before he realizes that and we do too.