Tahani's Reality (Urban)

|Home Is The Same But I'm Not|

•Tahani Lowars•
"Hani"

"And then Alexia's mother called me breaking down crying in tears. Said that she's found all kinds of sexual messages in her phone and that Alexia is sexually active." My mom gossips at the dinner table.

I keep my head down eating listening to my parents do most of the talking. "Really? That is a shame. Lord be with her."

"I'm just so glad that our baby is still pure. She's saving herself for the man God has chosen for her. Just like she's supposed to." Soon as my mom says that I drop my fork against my plate loudly. Worry fills her face. "What's wrong sweetie? You usually love when I say that."

I clear my throat looking up at her. "So she's not a good person or pure because she had sex before marriage."

My mother raises an eyebrow at me. "Of course she's not. And if her mother allows it she's just as bad as her daughter is. Luckily we raised our child right."

I watch as my father nods in agreement. Neither of them knew about what had happened to me. I feel on the verge of breaking down. I was raised and still being raised on the thought that God would send me the perfect man, the perfect husband. Yet that night my soul, spirit, and faith was all snatched away from me. And just listening to them talk down on someone for no longer having something I no longer have too just breaks me. Now I definitely know I can't tell them.

I get a text from Alexia asking if I want to go to a party. She begs me thinking that I'll say no like I normally do. This time I say yes.

• • • •

"You drinking kinda hard for a first timer." Alexia says somewhat worry in her tone.

I take a swig from the bottle of liquor raising an eyebrow. "I'm a sinner too. Ya happy now?" I question clearly drunk.

She just shakes her head looking around in embarrassment. Her friends who are white like her eying me with judgment in their eyes. "She's recently came from the hood." She explains trying to excuse my actions.

I cock my head back a mug forming on my lips similar to the one Taj pulls off. "Bitch," I call her out her name. "Watch ya self for real Alexia. I'd hate to have to fuck you up." My voice is calm as I lift the drink to my lips taking a sip again.

Her eyes widen. "See. Since when do you act like this? Cussing and sounding all ghetto and shit. I don't understand where all this came from. That guy changed you."

"You don't know shit about him," I stand up out of my seat. "Actually you don't know shit about me."

"We're best friend-"

"No you are a judgmental, racist, uppity ass bitch who has done nothing but insult me from the start. And I actually thought you was real? I must be stupid." I snap on her. Fear is evident on her face and she's staring at me with a look I've never seen her wear.

"You're exactly like them-" I cut her off raising my hand in the air as if I'm about to back hand her. She flinches and her friends beside her gasp.

"Ya know what," I laugh. "You're not even worth it. Bitch." I call her standing up I leave from where they are sitting going towards the rest of the party. Just be the stairs is a guy selling pills.

"Want some? I have molly." He halfway pulls it out of his pocket. Just as I'm about to pull out money another girl walks up.

"Here I'll go half with you. We can do it together." She says excitedly. I know who she is because she's one of the only other small amount of fellow black students at my school. Alexia doesn't like her much because she's very opinionated.