All I Know So Far

Chapter 22. Hidden Truths

"I can't believe this is happening to me," Lyla sniffled as we placed our orders. She had been a mess ever since we pulled away from the clubhouse. Seeing Kozik get punched in the face was far from enough, she was angry, and rightfully so. She had let him into her heart, and I could tell that she regretted it. "Y'know he found my birth control last night," she blew into her tissue, "he flipped out. I tried to explain to him that we aren't ready for a baby. Piper is still adjusting and I wanted to cut all ties with the business before even thinking about a kid."

Her face scrunched up and tears formulated in her eyes again, while simultaneously making my own eyes water, "why didn't he listen?! Why couldn't he just listen to me? I was doing what was best for us, was I not enough to wait for?"

Listening to Lyla, brought up some unwanted memories of my own. Ironically it wasn't from Jackson, but from previous lovers who forced me to rebuild my heart over and over again. I not only sympathized with Lyla but empathized with her as well. I knew what it felt like to second guess yourself and your quality as a woman because someone else had neglected to see it the first time.

"Hey, you are more than enough woman. You are strong, brilliant, and damn beautiful. Don't let Kozik steal that from you, he was a moron to sleep with her," Mila said trying to make Lyla feel better. I could tell she was trying her best to be encouraging, but she simply couldn't place herself in Lyla's shoes. Her relationship with Opie was great, even hearing his voice come in the room made her smile. She would absolutely die if Opie ever did something so terrible like this to their family.

"Listen," I began, "I understand what you're going through right now, and I know this is going to sound easier said than done. But Lyla you can't give up on yourself right now, you have so much to look forward to, not only for you but for your son also. You have a business that is ready to open its doors, you have a son who absolutely adores you, and you have two kick a** friends who aren't going to let you give up."

Lyla laughed at this, "you guys are my friends?"

I took a sip of my drink, "I'd like to think I didn't just risk getting an assault charge for just anybody." Everyone at the table joined in the laughter at my joke as the mood began to lift a little. We changed the subject then and went on to eat our meals and bond over embarrassing moments in our teenage years instead. It felt good to have a casual outing with friends without any club talk.

Before I knew it, we had to depart. I dropped Lyla off at her shop so that she could get her mind off things and then went to go drop Mila off at her house so that she could cook dinner. I had to rush home in order to release my dad from his babysitting duties.

However, when I walked into my daughter's room to see my father sitting in a small, pink chair with a tiara on, well let's just say I made no attempts to hide my laughter. My daughter was playing with what I assumed to be a new kitchen set. I refrained from rolling my eyes and scolding my father in front of Ava.

I went ahead to go start dinner and waited for him to come out of her room so that I could confront him. He knew I was mad because he offered to read Ava two books before he came out. "Dad, you're spoiling her," I began.

"Nonsense, I'm her grandpa, it's my job to say yes where you don't."

I scolded him and he put his hands up in surrender, "I know I should have called you first, but you should have seen the look on her little face."

"I know the little look on her face, I'm the blueprint for that 'look.'" I put a bowl of chili in front of him and placed a piece of cornbread on a napkin. "I just need you to include me when you want to go on a spoiling spree, please."

"Alright, but you know this wouldn't happen if you'd just give me a few more grandkids."

I gave him a look, "yeah, right you'd just use that as an excuse to buy more stuff. My house would be a small toy store."

I sat down next to him with my own bowl and then his face became serious. "I heard about Bear, how you holding up?"

I sighed, "well, I could have done without losing a member, but Bear has known about this move for years. I just didn't realize how upset he'd be when it actually happened." Suddenly, I got the urge to ask him about the details I read about in John's letters.

"Dad, did mom ever talk to you about Bear?" His face grew confused when the question left my lips. "It's just that, Piney had given me some letters that John wrote and he talked about how mom didn't like Barry."

"Oh," realization spread through his features, "yeah, your mother never got along with Barry. She always said there was something awful about him that she didn't like. Something that ticked like a bomb."

"Why did you keep him around if mom didn't like him?" I asked genuinely curious.

"I was going to get rid of him, but then your mother was killed, and Barry was one of the few people who really showed up for me. I need a friend more than anything during that time. John wasn't around anymore, but Barry was..." he looked like he was far away then, thinking about a forgotten memory.

I looked down at my chili and stirred the remnants in my bowl, "so why aren't we sticking by the people who've been there, why go to the enemy?"

"The enemy?" his eyebrows came together in confusion.

"Dad, Gemma killed mom, how can you stand to be near them?" I argued.

His face became hard, "now who told you something stupid like that? Was it Barry?" he rolled his eyes, "Gemma wasn't responsible for Sasha's death baby, we lost touch with that family when John died, didn't speak to them for years. She wouldn't have been able to convince Clay of hiring Antonio's crew, because the Sons were at war with them too. It just never made any sense to place her as the killer."

I fell silent. All these years of having this grudge against Gemma made me sick now. I blamed her for my mother's death for years, plotting for the day where I could expose her for who she truly was. But hearing my dad say she was not to blame left me feeling confused. Like everything I once knew was a lie.

"Then who did?" I said a little too loudly.

"I don't know, I never found out. After your mother died, people started to drop like flies. It felt like we were at a war with everyone within a two-mile radius. I couldn't mourn the dead; I chose to keep you safe instead, rather than taking someone's life and ending up away from the very person I needed to protect."

My eyes started to water and my dad noticed, he placed a tender kiss on my forehead. "Listen, sweetie, you keep chasing ghosts and they'll continue to haunt you. Your mom would've wanted you to be happy, and she would be so proud to see the woman you are today, I know I am."

I hugged my father back as we shared in a sweet embrace. He had to leave, so my thoughts were the only ones to comfort me. I didn't know what to do with this new information, I didn't think there was anything I could do. History tends to get lost with the person you buried. I just couldn't understand why Barry would want me to believe a lie, or was my dad just in denial?