All I Know So Far

Chapter 13. Playing the Part

Noella

Today, today was the day that everything in my life seemed to be playing in reverse. I knew that being tied to Jax would become extreme and invasive, but I somehow thought I would be spared. But like everything else in my life, there was always a domino effect. It started with finding a closer daycare in Charming with him, which resulted in Ava conveniently going to the same daycare Abel was in. Which ultimately meant that Ms. Knowles was in arms reach of my child for eight hours a day/ five days a week.

This could have been shortened since I am my own boss and I have kept Ava during the workday before. But with the Sons practically taking over the Alchemists keeping Ava with me during business was out of the question. I also wanted her to thrive more with children her age. She's always been around Opie's kids or children who belonged to the guys, or just with her nanny. She hasn't been able to truly interact and flourish with her own age group. And being that her brothers were there was good since I did truly want them to like each other.

I just couldn't stand the idea of mini-Gemma or the princess of charming always being around my kid. I know it's a bit ridiculous but seeing that Abel couldn't even pick Wendy out of a lineup scared me. I get that she was a junkie who almost took his life while simultaneously trying to get high, but I had kept up with Wendy Case throughout the years. I know for a fact that she didn't just give up on being a mother, she did what was best for Abel at the time, and everyone acts like she didn't exist. I doubt anyone has even talked to her about Able or even told her about his kidnapping, it was all just so wrong.

Plus, with Ava's birthday coming up so soon, I didn't want to just pack up everything and move. Especially if it meant being only 2 miles away from my 'husband' and his fiancé. Finding a house in Charming was fairly easy since more people were moving out than coming in. But living only six minutes away had given me super hearing, I felt like I could hear him belch if I wanted to. This whole setup was a sham, and there was no concern for my comfort. My dad was the one who found the house for goodness sake!

I watched as they hauled everything I own from my old house to the new one. Jax had even set up Ava's big girl bed, she was so excited when she saw the Disney-inspired bunkbed/playroom set. I had to keep her from climbing up top before her dad had it done. The house is gorgeous and had it been located anywhere else in the world, I probably would have liked it a whole lot better. But this house symbolized so much for me, coming back to this town feels like a mistake and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I can't even bring myself to even think about divorcing Jackson when this is all over. I mean that is absurd, I should be counting down the days to when I'm no longer Mrs. Teller. But when I initially left Jax, I was angry and frustrated with my marriage. There was nothing else I could even think about, I wasn't thrilled to be pregnant and alone, but I felt so much hope in moving on. Now, I'm in my thirties and everywhere I turn I hear about the clock and I notice I'm not where I want to be. I held back on dating because of how hectic my life was and the fact that I had a daughter. But seeing Jax with Tara makes me feel like I waited a bit too long. I want more kids, and a family, and a husband who kisses me before he leaves every morning. Not a legally binding contract, an overbearing mother-in-law, or a husband who looks at me like an inconvenience.

"You alright there lass?" I looked up to see Chibs standing next to me. I was sitting on the porch outside as some of the guys started to leave me to decorate the small items. The sun was starting to set in the sky that created the most beautiful picture of orange, red, purple, and pink. I inhaled deeply, "yeah, I'll be alright." Chibs patted my back and crouched down next to me. "You know I appreciate what you're doing for the club, your father was telling everyone about you," he chuckled as I gave a small smile, "all those deals that you intervened behind the scenes. You always took care of us lassie, and that takes guts." He lifted himself from his position with a grunt and kissed my hand before he parted with the rest of the guys.

I eventually got up to go back in the house, figured I'd started decorating where the men couldn't. Jax was still here so I assumed he was putting Ava to sleep. I started rummaging through boxes to place family pictures around the house. There were plenty of Ava, of course, I couldn't pick between my maternity shoot or Ava's first picture with me so I chose both. While still placing a small picture of her from picture day at daycare. The photo practically radiated excellence as my baby beamed in the photo. It was her first time picking out her own outfit and she looked absolutely adorable. Then there was a picture of my mama with my dad. It was my favorite one of them, she was laughing about something while sitting at the table with the first of the Alchemist while he stared at her like she hung on the moon.

I had a picture of Mila and Opie with Ellie and Kenny at the wedding. I even had a picture of me bumping bellies with Wendy after we made amends, but I chose not to put that one out for obvious reasons. I continued to dig through boxes to find a picture of Jax and me. Prior to the news, every picture I had with Jax was stored on an old camera but considering that I'm being monitored now I figured I might as well see what was on there. Most of them were a cross between blurry and inappropriate. But there were at least three good shots standing. Two most likely taken by a stranger and one taken by me.

The first was my wedding photo, we looked so stupidly happy. I was wearing a skirt suit but in the picture, I had stripped off my blazer and revealed my corset underneath. It served well seeing that it was an appropriate ivory. Jax was wearing his usual blue jeans and white shirt followed by his cut. One of my legs was being held up by his hand while his other hand had a firm grasp on my bottom. We were in a deep kiss when the shot was taken and on my finger, I sported one of his SON rings before he replaced it with an actual wedding band. The second picture was taken in what I recognized to be Opie's house. I was sitting on Jax's lap as he tickled me, for a second he looked at me like my father did my mom. I knew now that Donna had to be the one to take it, and that fact pained me so much. The last was a picture of me looking all dolled up, maybe I was going out with Donna perhaps, and Jax had photobombed the moment. I framed all three and placed them over the mantle.

"Hey, I better get going Ava is asleep," Jax brought me out of my thoughts as he threw his cut on. I nodded my head in his direction and I can see him observe my little touches. His eyes scanned the photos and he lingered on the ones with Ava. He stared harder at my maternity shoot and looked like he was somewhere far off. His eyes eventually landed on the ones of us and I saw his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. He picked up the photos and a smile spread over his face as his mind tapped into memories he had long forgotten. "You kept these?" he looked back at me and I shrugged my shoulders. He stepped away from the photos and looked at me deeply, then his eyes glazed over my hands.

"I almost forgot," he dug his hands into his pockets, "can't have my wife wearing a SONS ring again." He handed me my old ring and for a moment all I could do was stare at her. The room was eerily silent and I found myself shaking as I placed it back on my finger. I don't even know why things had to go this far, he's still going to be living with Tara, but I guess this prepared us for impromptu visits. The whole situation had been emotionally taxing but sitting here wearing my old ring brought tears to my eyes. "I think I'm going to go to bed now, I said in a hurry. Your keys on the kitchen table," I paced myself as I charged for my room and slammed my door shut. I didn't start crying until I heard the front door close.