TW// Gonna put a little warning on this chapter. It's not too bad but I just wanna be transparent.
I ran out of the hospital, running towards the Uber that I ordered.
I promised myself that I would never go in another Uber again because of the crash I was in but I didn't have an option.
I didn't drive here and I needed to get away. I couldn't watch Colby deteriorate anymore because it just hurt so bad.
I told myself I would never give up on him but I didn't want to burden him with my presence anymore.
The universe was telling me that Colby was meant to be pushed out of my life.
When I got in the Uber I kept my eyes down. "You're sure you want to go here? It's gonna rain." The Uber driver said as I nodded. "Yeah, I want to go there." I said quietly.
"Okayyy." The man sang apprehensively. I didn't care that it was going to rain and I didn't care that I was going to be in an Uber while it rained.
I just needed to go to my safe place.
When I first moved to LA I spent some time trying to find a mountain view that would hold a candle to the views I would get in Colorado.
There was a day where Colby went to film with Sam all day so I went on a mission to find a good spot.
I went to a lot of places but there was one mountain that was so peaceful and nice that I deemed it as my safe place.
It was the perfect place for me to run away to, because none of my friends knew where it was, not even Colby.
About halfway through the drive it started pouring, which was very rare for LA. It really fit the mood with how depressed I was.
We drove for what felt like forever before we were pulling into the parking lot of the hiking trail.
"Thanks." I mumbled then got out of the car. I didn't care that it was storming outside and that I wasn't wearing anything but a shirt and jeans.
I didn't care about anything but finding peace.
I walked in the freezing rain until I reached the entrance of the trail.
It was so cold that I could feel the hot tears streaming down my cheeks even more than before. I could feel my phone buzzing in my pocket but I didn't care to answer.
I didn't want to be found.
I sobbed and hugged myself as I walked up the trail. It was so cold that I was trembling but I didn't care.
It didn't matter what happened to me while I was up here. My heart was too shattered to feel anything.
I was numb.
When I got to the top of the mountain, I sat on the ground. It was starting to really storm and I was only getting colder and colder.
I let out a loud scream of frustration and pain and looked up at the sky.
"What did I do to deserve this?" I sobbed out, holding myself tightly. "If you're gonna take everyone from me just take me too." I cried out, choking on my sobs.
I haven't been this depressed in so long so having these thoughts was scary.
I laid on the ground in the fetal position for a very long time. I was getting so cold that I thought I might die right here.
I don't know how long I laid there, trembling into the mud while the storm raged on around me. I thought about all of the good times that I had with Colby before he forgot who I was.
