The albatross journey

60 - Time and space

Can

I kiss her, trying to put in the touch of my lips on hers all the love I feel for the woman of my heart, the only one who was able to touch it and make it beat to the rhythm of a powerful love.
I would like her to understand how much I adore her, how special she is to me, I would like to love her with all the tenderness of which I am capable, even if only with a simple brush of my lips. I feel that she responds to my touch with the same intensity and the same crazy transport.
- Think about that, about what we have and what we can still have Sanem-.
She nods as she hurries downstairs to join the guys in the crew and start her working day.
Time and space, that's what she asked for and that's what I have to assure her at a crucial time in our story when I know it's not easy for her to trust me again.
I start to prepare my equipment for the morning's shots while I can't stop myself from constantly looking for her, now more than ever.
After the intense union of bodies and souls that we shared tonight, I feel her even more mine and I perceive our bond with an intensity never experienced before.
I see Hakan and Dilara arrive on the set and stop to talk to the crew, Sanem pulls Hakan aside to get into a heated discussion with him, their serious faces seem to be talking about something very important, in the end he nods smiling and hugs her.
I don't know why but I feel a tightness in my heart, a subtle fear that they are discussing crucial topics for Sanem's future, and consequently mine as well, without me having any idea what it is.
Sanem leaves to go back to herwork and shortly after Hakan and Dilara come towards me, I get the distinct impression that he's trying to avoid my gaze while I look for his, hoping that it might give me a clue as to what he discussed with Sanem, but he deliberately changes the subject informing me that they're about to leave for a business trip and will be back in a couple of days. He reassures me by saying goodbye that I can still call them if any problem arises during the shoot. I watch them go away thoughtfully, I know that Sanem must have told him something but I have to be patient, I won't let myself be guided by restlessness ever again, I have to trust her and wait for her to be ready to tell me what she thinks.

We start with the shots and for the whole morning there isn't a single moment in which I find the way to approach her and maybe it's better like that, I am aware that I don't have to press her, I promised and this time I owe it to her, I will stay in my place waiting for her to dictate the pace.

At the end of the morning, when we break for lunch, she comes to me.
- Do you want to go and eat something? -

I smile happily at her - Sure, let me just get my gear together and I'll be right there - I move quickly, impatient to be with her soon, when I reach her I notice her gaze avoiding mine and I'm terribly afraid of what this might mean for me and for us.
We walk for a while in silence along the crowded pavements, Sanem keeps her gaze steady in front of her and doesn't seem to need to speak, I walk beside her with my hands in the pockets of my trousers respecting her silence.
She stops in front of the entrance to a simple tavern looking at me questioningly - What do you say? - I accept with pleasure, these are my favourite places of all, it is usually in places like this that the simplest and tastiest dishes are enjoyed. We go in and sit down at a table where a waiter joins us to take our orders and then leaves us alone.
I look at her eagerly waiting for her to make a move and she manages once again to amaze me.
She reaches a hand across the table and intertwines her fingers with mine as she finally raises her gaze to me - Can, I would like for the two days that you will stay here in Ankara to do what you proposed on the evening of our picnic by the lake, let's put aside what has been, let's just act like a man and a woman who want to get to know each other better and spend time together, right now I feel that is what I need most -

I study her, trying to decipher her expression, I would like to correct her that I will only be here in Ankara for two more days, but I am afraid that by telling her that I have no intention of leaving her she might feel pressured once again by my insistence. I don't want to impose anything on her, I want nothing more than for her to let me love her, and for that to happen I must allow her to decide the step and the direction in which to proceed.

I nod - Tamam, all right we'll do what you want Sanem, I promised you this morning and that's how it's going to be - I see her relax her shoulders and open up into one of those smiles I love so much.

-Well then, let's start with operation "getting to know each other", tell me something about yourself that you've never told me. Anything, passions, memories, anecdotes, everything -

As the waiter arrives to serve us, I begin to tell her how I met Metin, on the first day of university, when we literally bumped into each other on the avenues of the university while he was running towards the law faculty and I was running towards the photography faculty, and from there the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Time passes without me realising, we soon finish our lunch and I have done nothing but talk. It's time to go back to the set and, while I pay the bill, I tell her - You've had me talking the whole time, tonight keep yourself free for dinner and it will be your turn to tell your story as part of the "get to know you better" operation, OK? -

She smiles and nods - Has Aziz left or is he still here in Ankara? -

- I heard him this morning, during the models' costume change, he told me that for now he decided to stay here for a while, he needs to rest he told me. Shall we bet on who it was that suddenly gave him the extreme need to rest?

We both smile knowing that the meeting between Aziz and Mihriban has meant a lot to both of them and could be a new beginning for them.

We go back to the set in a relaxed atmosphere, we work for hours and hours exchanging every now and then some furtive glances in which I seem to relive those first moments together at Fikri Harika, when we had declared our love but still wanted to keep it hidden from everyone in the agency.

Once the shoot is over, the crew cleans up the set and slowly they start to leave the set, I intercept Sanem for a moment while she is moving the stands of the clothes that will be used for the next day's shoot - I'll wait for you at the car, okay? - She raises a strange look at me - I have to stop here in Ankara for some errands, I'll come back later by taxi if you don't mind - I understand from her tone and expression that she needs the famous space we talked about in the morning and I know I shouldn't insist. - Tamam is fine, meet me at 8:30 at my place? I'll surprise you with something special, you'll see -

She nods smiling and walks away as I follow her with a thoughtful look repeating to myself "Sakin ol Can, calm down, one step at a time".

I leave the set to go and buy what I need for the Mexican menu I have in mind for tonight: tortillas, chili meat and beans, fajitas and margaritas, maybe with a little water added for Sanem so that he doesn't get drunk as he can't handle alcohol, I think to myself smiling.

I am optimistic, I want to believe that things are going for the best, even if there is still a way to go, I am convinced that I am in the right direction.

On the way home I call my father to see what his plans are for the evening and discover that he has invited Mihriban to a performance at the Ankara Opera House and then to dinner. It is a joy to hear him as lively and cheerful as he has been in a long time; indeed, I don't think I have ever heard this tinge of exultation in his voice. He has probably never been truly happy in the past except when he was next to Mihriban.

This thought only strengthens my determination to give everything to win back the woman I love and without whom I know I cannot live. The story between my father and Mihriban is emblematic of how misunderstandings can completely change the course of the existence of those who, despite loving each other deeply, are unable to fight to jealously guard a feeling that can only be experienced once in a lifetime and with the only person who is meant for us.