The albatross journey

38 - In war and love

Can

I follow her with my eyes as she leaves the meeting room as if the devil was after her, I realise that I have taken her by surprise and that it has been a shock for her to find me in front of her today, but I am not doing anything other than what I have solemnly promised her. I'm not giving up, I'm fighting for us and I'm not doing it just by offering you empty words, as you accused me of doing until now, but I'm showing her with facts that I intend to do everything and even more for her and for us. I will follow her to the ends of the earth if necessary, I will reinvent my life according to hers, I will move permanently to Ankara if that is where she want to be, nothing is important to me but you and what she represent for my heart.

On the evening of the presentation of the HXC Cosmetics advertising campaign and then at her home for Emer and Layla's engagement, she accused me of making only false promises, empty words that she is no longer willing to believe. It is since then that I have made the decision to do whatever it takes to show her that she and only she is the centre of my world, I am willing to put aside any other life or work plans just to be with her.

I started to get information about Hyal Etmek, about the current and upcoming campaigns and I couldn't believe my luck when I found out that they were going to curate the campaign for the new collection of Zarafet owned by an old university classmate of mine. It took very little, knowing that he has always held my work in high esteem, to convince him to entrust the photo shoot to me and Dream Eye, with whom I have often collaborated over the years.

I had to wait until I had finished the final details for the closing of the campaign for HXC Cosmetics and everything was ready to start with the photo shoot here in Ankara.
My father and Emre have supported my decision to follow her and do everything to win her back, they will take care of Fikri Harika for the time I am here with her and they are ready to make do if I decide not to come back to Istanbul to stay with the woman I love.

Because I love her, that's for sure, proof of that was my heart going crazy as I waited to see her walk through the door of the meeting room after a month away, only to be breathless once again to discover that she is even more beautiful than I remembered her at home and at the HXC Cosmetics campaign presentation, how is that possible? How can she always be different and gorgeous in my eyes every time they rest on her?

I saw the incredulous expression on her face when she looked up at me, but also her face slowly closing into a serious expression trying to keep herself unflappable and detached from me and avoiding looking at me at all costs. I know I played dirty by asking her to be with me during the photo shoot, I was aware that she would never be able to refuse, but in love and war they say everything is fair and I am fighting my own personal war for my love and to do that I need to have her by my side for as long as possible.

I've tried to tell her that I've missed her enormously by disguising my words of nostalgia for her with praise for her many qualities in the field of work, but I'm sure she understood that I was talking about the unbearable lack I feel for her whenever she's not beside me. Of course, I have to admit that it is quite ironic for someone who, a few months earlier, had flown hundreds of kilometres away from the one he now wants to be close to.

I miss my Sanem, I miss her enormously every single moment of the day and night, she may not know it but she continues to be mine and mine alone and this can never change for a heart that has discovered that it wants only and exclusively her and no one else, now and forever.

And it wasn't easy for me to see her sitting next to that Hakan Demir, watching him place a hand confidentially on her back while he said he was lucky to have her for himself, because that's what he wanted to tell me with his gaze: she's mine now.
Well I feel sorry for you Mr Demir, but you can't even begin to imagine what there was between us and what I'm sure can still be. It is a feeling too special and unique to be forgotten and not even what I did to her, I am sure, can have erased it completely from her heart. It must be there, somewhere, buried under tons of anger, resentment and disappointment and then I will dig inch by inch, with my bare hands if necessary, with all the determination of a man who cannot accept to lose the woman who is the essential part of himself.

I realised it too late or maybe just when I realised it I decided to run away because it was too strong and pervasive a feeling to handle for someone who had never really been loved before.