The albatross journey

21 - Opportunities

Sanem

I prepare for my evening with Hakan with the feeling of being in the grip of a thousand different sensations that cannot in any way be reconciled. Now that the tension and concentration that was necessary for me to complete the presentation has vanished, my mind is realizing what happened, he came back earlier, he's even more handsome than I remembered and he looked at me in a way that....

Enough Sanem, can it be that you still haven't learnt to keep your feet on the ground and not delude yourself?
A man who was able to leave you like that will be able to do it and do it again and again, it's in his nature, that's just the way he is.
The albatross always has a journey waiting for him and he cannot resist, he cannot stay, even if leaving means destroying those who remain as happened to poor and naive Sanem.

I can't allow it anymore, never again will I give him the power to annihilate me like he did a few months ago, never again will I put at the centre of my entire existence someone who can decide to dispose of me at will, it has been too much to tolerate and overcome.

I hear the door bell ring and hurry down the stairs, fortunately my parents are not home, but I don't want to arouse too much curiosity in the usual nosy neighbours.

I open the door and for a moment I think of the hundreds of times I've found that smile on the other side that made my heart and knees tremble, I close my eyes inhaling deeply to open them again and find myself in front of Hakan, elegant as always and with his typical sly smile.

He gallantly takes my hand and brings it to his lips as he whispers a compliment to which I can only respond with a smile.

I can't help but admit that he's a charming man and his attentions flatter me enormously, to think that he's asked me out and somehow has an interest in me, makes me feel desirable and this helps to soothe the wounds of a self-respect that has been wiped out by ...

I get into the car with his help trying to smile and concentrate only on him and this evening which must serve me to understand that I could still have a life, even a future perhaps if I allow myself to live it with someone else.

He has made a reservation at a very exclusive restaurant with a large terrace overlooking the Bosphorus and the suspension bridge that joins the eastern and western parts of Istanbul. I am enchanted by the view from the table reserved for us, from which I lose myself in admiring the thousands of reflections on the water of the lights that illuminate this beautiful city.

We spend a pleasant evening, there has always been this relaxed and cheerful atmosphere between us, he makes me laugh by telling funny anecdotes of the years he lived in America and when we touch on the subject of work he confesses that he was very impressed by my presentation, he tells me that I deserve to lead the campaign for HXC Cosmetics. I smile with pleasure at his compliment, and tell him that I will not be leading the campaign as creative director, as my work with Fikri Harika will end the next day. He looks at me in amazement and asks me why, and I answer sincerely.

- It's a long story, this is not the place or the time to tell it, suffice it to say that I need to leave that agency for a million different reasons. I'm going to look around a bit and maybe send my CV to some other agency, who knows, maybe something will come out of it.

He looks at me for a few moments in silence before speaking - Maybe tomorrow Fikri Harika will be the winner of the HXC Cosmetics contest and you'll come to reconsider -

I shake my head decisively - No, absolutely no second thoughts, I had made it very clear before accepting Emre Divit's proposal that I would not stay beyond the presentation of the project, I do not intend to stay at Fikri Harika for any reason.

He pauses again for a long time to look at me thoughtfully - If that's the case then Sanem Aydin I have a proposal for you. I split my time as creative director between the Istanbul and Ankara offices of Hyal Etmek. There is currently a vacancy for a copywriter in Ankara and it would be a pleasure for me to work with you. I need someone I can trust and with whom I am sure I can work well, I think you could be that person. I really liked your project for HXC Cosmetics, between you and me I think that tomorrow we will find out that the company liked it too and it will be the winning one, I think you have a very original creativity, fresh and outside the classic canons. What do you think? Take a few days to think about it, I don't need you to answer right away.

I was definitely taken aback by his request, I wasn't expecting anything like this from this evening, I am honoured by his proposal and I can't help admitting that the idea excites me, but it's not a decision to be taken on the spur of the moment, these are choices that must be carefully evaluated considering also that I would have to move several hundred kilometres from home.

I nod - Alright, I'll think about it and I'll give you an answer as soon as possible Hakan, thank you for thinking about me and for the trust you show me with your proposal -.

We finish dinner and shortly after we leave the restaurant to walk slowly along the promenade towards the car, I'm gesticulating animatedly while I tell him an anecdote of my neighborhood when, turning to look at him while I'm talking, I put a foot in foul and I risk falling, his secure grip fortunately saves me from a disastrous fall.

He holds me for a few seconds too long, puts his hand on my cheek and looks at me intensely in a silent request to which I must give an answer.
I find myself in that moment having to look sincerely into the depths of my heart, I have to be honest with myself and with him. I look at his masculine face for a long time, the deep eyes, the square jaw, the unruly forelock, a specimen of a handsome and charming man who would make any woman's heart beat faster, I am more than aware of that.

But what about my heart? What does my heart feel? It simply can't do that, it can't beat to a different rhythm than the one it has learned to beat in front of the only man I am sure I will ever love.

I gently take the hand that is still resting on my cheek and squeeze it between my own.

-Listen Hakan you're a man who doesn't go unnoticed, I was flattered by your invitation to go out tonight, I hoped that somehow this date would help me move on from a previous affair that hurt me so much, but you don't deserve this and I realize now that I am ultimately incapable of doing so.

Forgive me, I didn't mean to and don't want to deceive you, I sincerely hoped to be able to look at someone else in "that way", but I realise right now that it's impossible for me -

He nods - I understand Sanem, I understand perfectly and you don't have to worry, I had a wonderful evening and that's exactly what I wanted. As for the rest, don't think about it any more, I respect your feelings that make you even more special in my eyes, you confirm that you are an extremely loyal person even towards those who, in the end, don't deserve it -

- Hakan for your proposal regarding the job in Ankara...-

- That's a job proposal that has nothing to do with what we're talking about now, I'm convinced that we can be an unbeatable team together and I hope you'll accept to work with me, think about it and give me your answer when you feel ready, tamam okay?

-Tamam alright, teşekkür ederim thank you Hakan. Thank you for understanding how I feel right now-.

He walks me home in a relaxed silence, I feel at ease with him and this gives me hope for the future in case I decide to accept his proposal. When we arrive in front of my house he turns off the car and leans over to place a light kiss on my cheek.

- See you tomorrow Sanem Aydin and may the best man win, right? Iyi geceler good night -

- Iyi geceler good night Hakan, thank you for this beautiful evening -