The albatross journey

10 - Truth

Sanem

Once again I have to regain a minimum of composure to be able to go back home, and in order to do so, I can only turn to Ayhan. I knock on his door and, with a strange and sad déjà vu, I see Osman open the door like a few nights before and once again spread his arms to welcome me into his comforting grip.

He lets me into the house and once again I find myself sitting on their couch among cups of tea and handkerchiefs, I can't help but smile through my tears, grasping the irony of the situation.

- I have to stop showing up at your door in these conditions, at this point I almost risk being repetitive and boring -

Their words and smiles reassure me and make me feel all the warmth one can receive from the closeness of a brother and sister who love you and support you at all times and in all situations.

I tell them briefly about what happened, it tears me up just thinking about those pictures and their meaning, I cry again and again held in Ayhan's arms. In the end I am exhausted, but somehow ready to regain control of myself for the umpteenth time.
I go to the bathroom to rinse my face and take advantage of Ayhan's make-up items to mask with foundation and make-up my eyes and nose reddened by so much crying.

I go back to the living room and hug them both trying to reassure them, I absolutely have to go back home but they can rest easy, I feel I can handle the situation with my parents, by now I'm starting to become an expert actress in concealing my moods.

I'm not so sure anymore when, shortly after, I'm confronted with my mother's inquiring eyes, I know she senses something is wrong, but she lets me go to my room when I tell her I'm not hungry, I have a terrible headache and I just want to go rest.

When I hear a knock on my door at some point, I shudder at the thought of facing one of my mother's terrible interrogations, but luckily it's Layla who hesitantly appears.

- Sanem, may I come in? -

-Of course come in Layla, tell me -

- Sanem listen, I know that our relationship in the past hasn't exactly been idyllic.
We've always had trouble talking, you have Ayhan and I... well I have a hard time talking about myself, but today please let me do my duty as a big sister.
I know you saw that damn newspaper, Cey Cey came to Emre bay while I was in his office and told us that you left very upset.
I was shocked to see those pictures and think how you must have felt, Emre bay was also very angry with his brother, after everything that happened between you he came to love you very much you know that right?
How are you, little sister? Do you want to talk? -

- No Layla, there's nothing to talk about.
We've both seen with our own eyes how things are. I just need to get over it.
It'll take me a while, but you'll see that things will gradually get better, I need to believe that they will, Layla -

- Come here Sanem, let me give you a hug, you'll always be my little sister, but now I realise you're becoming a strong woman and I'm sure you'll get through this terrible time, if you need me I'm here, tamam okay? -

She hugs me as she had never done before, I find in her warmth an enormous comfort that annihilates my ability to pretend and I find myself letting myself go to tears as I had done just before in Ayhan's arms. Only much later do I manage to take a deep breath and retreat, wiping my eyes with my hands.

- Maybe something good can come out of this bad story, I'm happy to have you by my side big sister, I'm happy that you are there for me today and know that I will always be there for you in the future if you want it.

A sincere hug sealed this moment full of so much meaning for both of us and, perhaps, the beginning of a new dimension in our relationship.

I spend yet another sleepless night and in the morning I find Layla ready and waiting for me to go to work together. She gives me a look full of affection and understanding, which is very nice of her and I appreciate it enormously.
We say goodbye in the hall of the building that houses Fikri Harika and the publishing house, with the understanding that we will meet at lunchtime to go out for something to eat together.