Crash and burn

Chapter 80

***10 years later

I twisted the ring in my hand excessively before I put in the small pocket in the leg of my race suit.

M: "how are we feeling?"

YN: "I think I'm okay."

My voice cracked which made mike laugh. I couldn't disguise how nervous I was.

M: "look the way I see it yeah you can finish top three and win the drivers championship but even if you don't, you've got next year and the year after that and after that..."

YN: "okay I get it, it doesn't have to be today but I want it to."

I read a firm line form across his face. It would've been landos birthday today.

M: "he'd be so proud."

YN: "yeah... he'd throw a massive surprise party even though he knew I wouldn't have wanted one just to show how freaking proud he was."

He chuckled a little bit.

M: "good luck you deserve this."

YN: "thank you mike."

———————-

Briefly before the race started George came over to speak to me.

YN: "aye aye rival! I can't be seen fratanising with the main enemy!"

He laughed through his helmet as he gave me a fist bump.

GR: "thought we weren't kids anymore."

I felt a small twinge of sadness thinking about lando.

GR: "seriously how are you?"

YN: "it's a hard day but I'm determined to make it one to remember in a good way."

GR: "that's unless I overtake you round the first corner."

YN: "pfft in your dreams."

GR: "nah I won't even try I'll just work to keep the young guns behind."

YN: "god times gone by so fast, I mean it feels like yesterday we were rookies fighting all the time and now your having a baby!"

GR: "every time you bring it up I'm scarred I'll tell you what gender it is."

YN: "I won't ask, as long as I'm god mother."

GR: "I've told you!  Carmen has said to everyone your god mother."

YN: "okay just checking."

GR: "she wants to set you up again though, Charlotte apparently has signed off this time so there is a better chance."

I let out  deep sigh. Only recently I was able to date guys without the guilt, but everyone has seemed to take that and run.

Don't get me wrong I wanted to be married and have a kid, but I couldn't help but compare every guy with lando.

YN: "I'll give it a shot."

GR: "good."

————————

As I sung the Australian national anthem on top of the podium, I laid my hand on the side of my leg with landos engagement ring.

Although he told me not too I dedicated my world championship to him. He was bound for great success and was unfairly taken away from it.

I looked down at the sea of orange and spotted a small crowd of familiar faces. Mum and dad and the two boys, Carlos and max and a few other retired drivers as well as those still racing like Charles and George, the Norris family had all come too. Charlotte and Jess and Zak brown despite not working at McLaren had all come in suspect of me winning the championship today.

I looked up towards the sky in acknowledgement of the one person who couldn't physically be in my corner but in my heart was still here.

After the champagne showers died down and the music began to fizzle out I began to cry, not necessarily sad tears with grief but just with the overwhelming emotions.

I was the first female to win the drivers championship, this had been what I had been working towards for so long. And more importantly, it was a personal reward, for the mental and physical trials this sport had put me through.

F1 threw all it could at me and I came out the other end stronger. Even if I had suffered more than most people do in a life time, I would do it all again.

Sure I wouldn't have to endure loosing my fiancé but in that same breath I may not have met him at all. I may have the lived my life half full, riddled with anxiety and unhappiness. Not appreciating the small things like he taught me.

He was more than a memory, more than a love, he changed who I was for the better. And for that I was forever grateful.