Crash and burn

Chapter 34

LN: "P12 huh?" I turned my chair around in the debrief room to face lando as he sat in the chair behind mine.
YN: "had a bit on my mind." I turned around, letting him revel anxiously. I hated what Jess was doing to me. My jealousy mixed too well with my stubborn nature and it was at the detriment of lando. He didn't really deserve the cold shoulder.

I talked to my strategists and to mike about how we could approach the race. We adopted an aggressive approach in hopes to get in to points. In mikes words 'we have nothing to loose.'
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When we finished I hadn't even realized Lando had left already. When I called him it rang out to voicemail. I didn't want to say 'hey your my lift home' so I booked an Uber to get home. When waiting in the paddock Jess came and sat next to me.
JH: "hey, unlucky today."
I pursed my lips, trying to hide my disgust.
YN: "yep."
It took a massive effort not to pull her pony tail down to the ground.
JH: "you okay?"
No.
YN: "yeah..."
She nodded, combing through her roots.
JH: "same. exhausted you know just never ending work-"
I stood up cutting her off.
YN: "sorry I can't do this right now."
I began walking away. I didn't have the mental energy to be nice to her and pretend I didn't have a massive fucking problem with her.
JH: "did I do something wrong?"
She came hot on my heels. I spun around, no longer able to suppress my temper. I got in her face forcing her to step back.
YN: "I don't know did you?!"
She shrugged her shoulders, a blank response.
YN: "you like lando? I mean it's not a question it's a statement it's fucking obvious to the whole world and it's messing with my racing, my career."
She let out a small exasperated laugh. But didn't deny it.
YN: "if you knew what was good for you, you would step down. That's not a threat, you've worked so hard to get where you are would you seriously ruin it all having an affair with your employee?"
JH: "a bit like how your his colleague you mean?"
My thought filter went flying out the window. I pushed her hard blinded by rage. When she didn't push back I went to go for it again but was held back by a strong force.
LN: "not here what the.." he hissed at me, pulling me behind him.
I looked around, a few gazes from people I didn't recognize but thankfully no cameras.
LN: "hey what's going on."
He tried to find my eyes which were skirting from Jess to him to potential reporters.
LN: "yn!" He was louder this time. Not happy. I stared him down and raised my hands up to show I surrendered.
When I didn't speak he turned around to Jess for an explanation. Her eyes went straight to me.
JH: "I don't like him, not like that...not for any guy actually."
Oh.

I messed up big time. I couldn't even say sorry before she walked away shaking her head laughing.
What was even worst was the disappointment in landos eyes. I opened my mouth but nothing came out.
LN: "time to go." His words were cold and made me nervous. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards the car park. Only once we had left the circuit did he finally open up.
LN: "I thought we had been through this."
YN: "I know... I saw her rubbing her hand up your arm-"
LN: "even so, that's enough to warrant what just went down?"
I gulped, swallowing a massive reality check.
LN: "are we back to the whole trust thing again..." his voice broke and it catalyzed the tears forming in my eyes.
YN: "I do trust you!" I chocked back any more tears. "I fucking love you and I just...She's just so pretty and I feel..." my breathing rapidly increased and I was sweating. I pushed my hair back out of my face. Not now, please not now.
LN: "shit." He caught notice of my panic attack beginning to grow.

He sped up swerving through traffic to turn into the side street of a park. The car came to a screeching stop. He lept out and came around the front of the car, opening my door letting in fresh air. He unbuckled my seat belt and pulled me out.

I was so swept away I didn't even realize it was bucketing down with rain. It was so startling it pulled me out of my trance. I could focus on landos face in front of me, the small lines of concern now visible. My hands gravitated towards them, my thumbs gently smoothing them out.
LN: "I love you okay! You! Not nobody else! Your gorgous and smart and determined and I don't want anyone but you!" He was screaming over the rain. We were both sopping wet. It was out of a movie. I couldn't help but laugh. It gave lando a face of confusion.
YN: "don't leave me." I pulled in first, kissing him hard, embracing him.
We both came apart for air, laughing together. The feeling I had for him was like ecstasy.
Riding the high I grabbed a hand and swung underneath it, dancing in the rain. We fell into the rhythm of a slow dance, I rested my head against his chest as the rain began to settle.
LN: "promise me that you won't push Jess again."
YN: "I won't... promise."
I smiled, more than happy to resolve our problems.
YN: "I should probably apologize aye."
He stroked my head.
LN: "yeah... and do you think we can work on your jealousy?"
YN: "definetly... I just need to find my feet at McLaren, stop being an anxious wreck every race weekend and hopefully my confidence will come back."
He kissed my forehead before setting his chin on my head.
LN: "if only you could see how fucking amazing you are..." he whispered so quietly but I made it out between words. My heart warmed.

In the car home I began to reflect. Our relationship wasn't the most stable but in all fairness our work had a way to rock the boat. Our emotions ran faster than any other persons on the planet. But we had a strong history of finding our way back to each other, resolving things. I knew as I found myself again our relationship would only get stronger.