Crash and burn

Chapter 24

As we flew to France I realized how pressing the whole Lando meet family situation is. Everyone was coming, mum, dad, Lachlan and Harry. I don't think dad was fussed, mum had her heart however set on meeting him. The two boys I think were keen for other reasons. They were massive fans of redbull in particular max verstappen. The spot at redbull was offered to me but I felt it wasn't the right fit, watching Daniel riccardo leave and getting an insight about the team environment was all I really needed to know I preferred to be at McLaren. Point being though the boys really wanted me to go to redbull, they would've much preferred me to be in kahoots with max even though the guy has serious anger issues.

I watched lando as he slept, watching his chest rise and fall. If we can find time to talk post qualifying it would give me a while to think about my options. Best case scenario is he doesn't want the break and can give me sufficient reason. If he wants to make it permanent...

I shook my head as though I could shake the thought. I would of course respect it, I probaly would straight up tell him I would be happy to discontinue the relationship even if I am miserable on the inside. The ball was in his court.
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Our flight was postponed meaning when we arrived we jumped straight into practice. We smoothed out a few kinks but ultimately we were happy with the times we were getting. I texted my mum saying I would meet her for dinner but not to come to the garage until the actual race saying things were a bit tense at the moment. I left why it was tense up to her imagination.

I was sitting in the ice bath post practice when lando came and jumped in to the bin next to me.
LN: "killer practice."
YN: "fingers crossed it's a good weekend for us."
LN: "yeah...especially with your family here..."
I looked at him, defeated.
YN: "I was going to talk to you about it but was really hoping you would forget."
LN: "why?" He was smiling now. I had to splash my face with water to hide the embarrassment.
YN: "isn't it a bit awkward?"
LN: "depends on where we stand with each other."
He said it with an inquisitive tone, like it was up to me.
YN: "we can talk about it after Q1. I'm meeting up with them all tonight on my own first so our chat needs to happen before then." I jumped out and grabbed my robe to pull over my minimal clothing and warm me up. Lando put his hand out for a shake with a serious face.
LN: "sounds like a date." I slapped his hand away playfully.
YN: "idiot." I smiled walking away. It gave me confidence how happy he seemed when referencing a serious discussion we had planned. Maybe he was just good at acting it like I was.
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The rain that seemed to only get worse leading in to Q1 put me in a sour mood. It was going to be carnage. We knew it would rain and I had been practicing like crazy trying to gain speed despite the conditions. There was a tiny gray area between going fast and being cautious and I found it a few times in training and was desperate to find it again.

We checked the radio a few more times than needed and planned to do so multiple times throughout the race as a safety precaution. Visibility was shot so it was vital.
Mike: "okay yn let's get this show on the road all clear behind and looking spacey in front."
YN: "copy."
I began to accelerate my speed faster and faster. I had the track memorized, turn one going right, brake going in let off, accelerate, brake, turn two, straight...
M: "superior job, we qualified P8 despite your disgust for the rain."
YN: "oh thank god." I sighed relief. "Fuck that was scary."
M: "I don't doubt it for a second."
YN; "and how did lando go?"
M: "P4"
YN: "nooooice everyone."
M: "hopefully we can carry this through the weekend."
As I unbuckled my belt it hit me that this little discussion could no longer be put off. It was now.

After weighing in I ran into lando. Pretty hard to avoid him when he was waiting behind a corner.
LN: "m'lady." I was totally and completely relaxed as we walked to the trailer with arms linked. I then realized he had done it on purpose as we walked past photographers which he waved at. His way of saying he doesn't care about the press.

I sat down in his room on the massage table snd he sat down on the very opposite end on the couch.
YN: "so."
LN: "so..."
YN: "where is your head at?"
LN: "I don't know."
I leaned back. Shocked. Wait what? He just gave me so much confidence which was now completely depleted.
LN: "why has this break been all about me?"
I pursed my lips, thinking carefully before I spoke.
YN: "because your the one whose a poll contender, your so funny and kind and compassionate and easy on the eyes, you could literally pick any girl. But you've chosen to pursue this relationship, you put the moves on first snd i don't know... is it convenient for you... did you not want a committed relationship but can't shy away cause of the media...."
LN: "you never thought to wonder there's a reason why I wanted you."
I rolled my neck around to relieve the tightness building.
YN: "lando we are going around in circles. I just want your confirmation that this is what you want, don't just pretend your happy with this until a reasonable amount of time has gone past to break my heart. If your gonna do that just get it over and done with now." It was blurted out so quickly I didn't know if he understood me.
LN: "of course I want this relationship. It hurts me that you think otherwise." His voice cracked at the hurt part, he was being vulnerable now, real.
YN: "I don't know my minds a mess."
LN: "I know." He said it understandably.
We were silent, unsure about how to approach this next. Until I broke the silence because I couldn't bare it anymore.
YN: "I'm sorry."
He nodded. I felt the overwhelming emotion pour off him, it magnified as I walked over to him.
YN: "I'm sorry, for being an idiot, for overthinking everything, not thinking straight most importantly."
Lando sighed.
LN: "you know there are other solutions to our problems than a break. Like talking to each other."
I sat on his lap. Cuddling him snd resting my face on his shoulder.
YN: "I know, I need you to be patient, I'm trying to be brave with you."
He pulled back so we were face to face, inviting me to collide into him. Fuck I missed him. We consumed each other, finally fulfilling the longing we have felt for each other.
LN: "just to clarify the break is over right?" I laughed falling into the next kiss.