Crash and burn

Chapter 43

For the next two weeks leading up to Hungary and the following debrief week I had to virtually spend every day under the weight of being around lando. The thought made it almost impossible to get out of bed to go too sim training.

In the car on the way there my music cut out. I looked to the screen to see lando was calling me. Huh?

My finger hesitated over the accept button. Was he calling me by accident? As it rung for the third time I realized he meant to call me. Not being rude I accepted.
YN: "erm hello?"
LN: "hi...I uh wanted to do this over the phone because every time I see you in person I uh... you know..."
YN: "I know." It was the same with me. When we saw each other it was hard not to relapse into loving each other. The only alternative was channeling that intense emotion in to anger.
LN: "anyways, I wanted to say sorry for being a dick. I was still kind of bitter after everything but I'm working on it."
My heart warmed. He was trying.
YN: "thank you, that means a lot."
It was silent for a moment, both of us unsure on where to go from here.
YN: "I know everything is fresh and I'm not talking about right now but...can we try work our way back to being friends? I mean we work with each other every day."
I was too coward to say this face to face so I took the opportunity of talking on the phone.
I heard him take a sharp breath through the phone.
I gripped the steering wheel hard growing nervous as the silence grew.
LN: "I mean yeah, can we erm maybe give it some more time though."
My lips curved a frown. I understood though.
YN: "yeah."
LN: "okay, see you round."
YN: "bye lando."
I ended the call still stunned that he called at all.
Maybe he was maturing.
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The sim training started off rocky, I struggled to memorize the turn sequence which resulted in many spin outs from pacing problems. Towards the end of the session it got better but still needed a little more work. Suddenly mike interrupted my lap sounding over the comm.
M: "hey you've been going for three hours, it's still a while away you have time to work on it."
I pursed my lips contemplating whether or not I wanted to give up.
M: "cmon, try tomorrow when your fresh. It's not gonna get better today."
I let out an exasperated sigh.
YN: "fine."
I caved, the program shut down around me.
I got up from my chair where mike greeted me as I left the sim.
M: "what's wrong?"
A lot. I shook my head pretending I didn't know what he was talking about.
M: "I don't want to overstep but are you and lando all good? I just noticed that in the debrief you guys were kind off.."
YN: "ignoring each other? Sending across death stares?"
Mike became awkward, letting out a small chuckle but careful not to be insensitive.
I almost forgot he couldn't know that we were done.
YN: "it's alright, we resolved it, he was just still sore after the race."
M: "ah I see..."
Mike was like a father figure, talking about my 'boyfriend' was an awkward topic, especially when he wasn't really my boyfriend at the moment.
YN: "see you tommorow?"
He nodded and that was it. I was grateful to get out.
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I had a mid year interview set up with sky. After silverstone I had become a more common talking point in the media and requests for features had increased. It was nice to be recognized as a separate entity rather than landos team mate, or girlfriend. I was an established, respected driver.

Rachel had set up two chairs along the driveway of the MTC. I had spoken to her briefly in post race interviews before which helped to hinder my anxiety.

As I got closer I saw char briefing Rachel I presume on what could and couldn't be discussed.
YN: "hey guys!"
R: "yn hi lovely to see you."
YN: "and you too."
CS: "well ready when you are!"
I took a deep breath as I sat on the chair. The cameraman signaled the tape was rolling.
R: "hello everyone and thank you for tuning in for a very special interview with yn yln, Formula ones very first female driver and podium placer."
YN: "ahhh very kind introduction thank you."
I blushed.
R: "first and foremost congrats on the silverstone peformance, did you go in knowing P3 was a realistic goal or did it take you by surprise?"
YN: "a bit of both I guess. I had been slowly improving over the season and obviously the car can perform well landos proven that. I felt confident in sim training but still kinda doubted my abilities. But the team all worked well and pushed me hard and yeah."
R: "well I remember hearing lando said prior to the race you could get a podium."
I played off my heart ache with a small laugh. Glazing over char I saw her give me a supportive smile.
YN: "well I took it with a grain of salt at first, I thought he was just trying to be nice."
R: "of course! Lando not just the team mate ... "
she gave me a cheeky look that made me regret bringing him up.
R: "I was surprised to see the news you two were dating but seeing you two together there really is no denying the strong connection between you guys."
YN: "aha yess.. well obviously we were hesitant committing to a relationship under the scope but love has its ways!"
I had mastered the fake smiles and getting excited over boys back in an all girls private school so it wasn't hard to sound convincing.
I really hoped this didn't come back to Lando though.
I suppressed a cringe and persevered though.
R: "naw that is just heart warming. Do you think the relationship benefits you both in the racing world?"
YN: "most of the time yeah, we push each other and keep each other motivated. It's hard finding a partner who understands the demands of the sport and how time consuming F1 is so it is such a relief to know he understands that the sport is a priority."
R: "and the downside?"
I cocked my head to the side. Oh where to start.
YN: "I guess the publicity really makes it hard, we have to be extra careful about how we are perceived and make sure our relationship doesn't get tossed around as an excuse for poor performance."
R: "we see friendships destroyed due to the tension created from racing, do you worry about that or have any fail safes to prevent-"
CS: "ah i think it's getting too personal can we go back to the questions we discussed?"
Thank god for char. A deep pit opened in my stomach as Rachel reopened a freshly cut wound.
R: "of course apologies."
I gave her an apologetic smile, even though I wasn't sorry for Rachel. I was more than obliging to move on.
R: "how did you originally get into racing?"

As the questions became more of a recount of my life the interview became light and breezy. It was wrapped up within an hour but the off feeling in my stomach never left from Rachel's relationship inquisition.

After saying goodbye char and I walked back to the MTC along the driveway. When out of earshot I turned to char.
YN: "I need a drink."
We erupted into laughter.
CS: "you deserve it."
YN: "that was very painful. thanks for stepping in when you did."
CS: "of course!"
YN: "wanna swing by mine for a drink?"
CS: "sorry I can't, Jess snd I are going to a meeting at her university."
I took a sharp breath in.
YN: "looks like I'll be drinking on my own then."
wow. What my life had come to.