Crash and burn

Chapter 17

I must've sat there for hours. I found humor in its metaphorical nature, the water would peak just like my life did and then crash hard and heavy. It was mesmerizing, the force excreted from the crashing waves sent wind that could knock me over. I didn't want to go anywhere, didn't want to think, didn't want to move. I just sat there. Empty and dried out.

LN: "there's no way you swim in that back in Australia."
I didn't even have the energy to turn around and face him.
YN: "no I was planning to prank you. This is nothing like home, it's always been on my bucket list."
My voice remained dull, I hated how it came out.
LN: "it's terrifying."
He sat at the top end of the chair, his legs on either side, arms around my neck and head rested on my own. He had me completely surrounded, like he was protecting me from all the shit going on around us. I finally looked up at him. He was dressed completely in black, jarring against his his golden skin accentuated by the sun. I could see his eyes were red around the edges.
I couldn't bare to think about him crying.
YN: "it's beautiful." I held on tighter to his arms. Letting him know I was there with him still.
LN: "I heard you stopped by the Williams trailer."
YN: "I wasn't even thinking, I was at the press conference and then all of a sudden I was there in George's room."
LN: "Charles saw you walk out of there, when I asked where you were he said that all he knew was that you left in his car. I saw how cramped it was in the hotel and figured you just kept going. And then I remembered you telling me about this."
YN: "mmm you know me too well."
He planted a kiss on the cheek, I was glad we still had this. I let out a shakey breathe despite my best efforts not too.
LN: "hey. Don't stress alright. Everything will resolve itself."
I knew he didn't even believe what was coming out of his mouth.
YN: "where do we even go from here?"
He sighed.
LN: "I mean it had to come out sooner or later. We just have to own it now."
YN: "have you spoken to char?"
LN: "yeah, she got me out of the press conference, got me fresh clothes...she wanted me to find you, apparently she's been trying to reach you, she was worried."
YN: "I couldn't answer the phone. I needed to collect my thoughts you know."
LN: "yeah."
We sat there in silence watching the waves go again and again until the sun had gone over the horizon.
LN: "your right, it is kinda beautiful."
———————-

After returning Charles car, lando picked me up and we made our way back to the hotel. We planned back at the beach not to go out of our way to address the relationship but if we were asked we would tell the truth, we would sound like idiots not to now.

The hotel had died down thankfully, but we still took the fire stairs to avoid any lurkers. When I saw char standing in front of my room I ran to her arms.
CS: "never scare me like that again."
YN: "never."
CS: "you know I'm not mad at you right."
YN: "aha I didn't but it's good to know now."
We all walked into my room and sat at the table. I filled up on pizza as we talked through the agenda.
CS: "so I think the best thing we can start with is a team meeting in the morning, you don't want to keep McLaren in the dark any longer than you have too."
The idea made me nervous but made sense. They were our teammates, and they should've known before anyone else.
LN: "what do we say? Hey everyone we've been running behind your backs against your wishes? Getting distracted."
CS: "I disagree, if anything you two make each other better, today being case and point."
YN: "yeah but landos right. In the future even if we don't perform well it's so easy to blame us."
CS: "there's always something or someone to blame. You've gotta reassure the team though that that would never happen."

It kinda hurt that lando said I was a distraction but he wasn't entirely wrong, we should be debriefing the race yet here we are trying to resolve our mess.
CS: "okay next, reporters."
Ugh. Those assholes.
CS: "they ask questions, you tell them you would prefer to talk about racing which is the real reason your here."
LN: "understood."
CS: "fans however are going to know what's going on. If we can control the information released, we can control your image."
YN: "which would be what exactly?"
CS: "young love, wholesome content. No arguments. Nothing explicit. And I don't want fans to think your distracted from the racing. On race weekends let's limit the PDA."
LN: "so we don't change how we were acting in public previously?"
CS: "ideally."
I sighed. I knew I was lucky to have this relationship and not be in trouble but it was still sucky that they would be so controlling about our perception still.
—————————

Once char left lando and I braved ourselves and started to explore what the internet was saying. We tried hard not to but only abstained for about 5mins before caving.

The picture of lando lifting me in the air was plastered everywhere with captions like the rumors were true! The most powerful couple on the planet ! My hearts melting! There was of course the occasional bitter comment. Lando could do better. And they wanted to introduce more girls in to the sport. But they were outnumbered heavily which gave me hope.

What was most surprising was that bottas was leaving Mercedes. F1 used the news to drown out our relationship news which I was entirely grateful for. I wondered who would take the Mercedes seat, it was a massive seat to fill.

Then my mum called. Oh.
YN: "hi mum!" I tried to put on my best casual voice but it came out wrong. Landos eyes widened with curiosity.
M: "when I asked, are there any cute boys, I believe your response was a few which I interpreted as there wasn't anyone you really liked-"
YN: "mum I know okay I'm-"
M: "you never mentioned how cute your team mate in particular is!"
Lando shimmied his shoulders flattered, I play pushed him off the bed. Shocked however at my mum's comment. I more expected this is embarrassing or we didn't waste all this money for you to ruin your driving career.
YN: "argh mum stop."
M: "so what, boyfriend..."
YN: "yes he is my boyfriend." This was one of the most painful conversations in my life, I hated talking about my love life. So much so I waited 6 months of having my last boyfriend before I finally told my family about him.
M: "ooooh and when do I get to meet him, talk to him?"
I was about to say he wasn't here when lando pipped up.
LN: "oh I'm here in the room! Nice to meet you Mrs yln"
M: "YN! Why didn't you say so pass the phone!" Oh god.
I unwillingly passed the phone across. As much I tried to walk away I had to stay and listen.
M: "lando darling when do I get to meet you!"
LN: "whenever you guys like! If you watch any of the races in person or come to England I'll make time."
I rolled my eyes. He was laying the charm on my mum thick.
M: "oh well England's a little far but we were thinking of  going to France?"
LN: lando flashed a big cheesy smile. "So it's a date."
M: "book it in."
LN: "counting down the days."
M: "and drag yns ass along will you."
LN: "of course."
He passed back the phone so I could get a few I love you's in to the rest of the family before I could lie in landos arms and fall asleep. Butterflies in my stomach were darting around as I thought about the team meeting, so I opened my phone hoping to make myself sleepier. I smiled at fan edits of lando and I, it was like validation, what I needed to settle in to somber.