Crash and burn

Chapter 54

Spa was a week away so the schedule leading up was pretty packed. Day one back and I hadn't seen anything of lando or Jess. I was too busy at the sim and talking to my engineers about how we were gonna maintain our competitiveness. We read through ideas on our WhatsApp group chat from the Hungary weekend and debrief, plotting solutions to try out in the coming week and in practice.

I was starving by the end of work but opted to find new scenery outside the MTC so I asked freya to meet at my apartment for lunch.
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Freya waltzed it with two poke bowls in hand.

YN: "your an angel thank you."

F: "girl I jumped at the opportunity to come see you after your disappeared when we went out, was it the Prince Charming who you were dancing with?"

I turnt my nose up.

YN: "oh god no, he was a friend of mine, I don't even know if you could call him that."

F: "he was cute!"

YN: "he is a dick! I died of embarrassment when I turned around."

F: "well you walked out with him so what was I supposed to think?"

I grinned.

YN: "you know what fair. But honestly I think it was for the best that he threw a spanner in my night."

F: "this ex of yours?"

YN: "it's driving me insane."

F: "you still love him?"

I sighed.

YN: "yes."

F: "would you want to get back with him if you got the chance."

YN: "he's got another girlfriend now."

F: "nah that's not what I asked. Do you want him still?"

I hadn't even thought about the possibility, I've been whining over the missy thing but never really considered what would happen if she wasn't in the picture.

YN: "I mean...I don't know I miss how we laughed together and how good he made me feel... and now that we are distant I see how he is maturing and growing..."

Freyas shocked mouth curled upwards. She came to the realization quicker than I did.

YN: "I want him back."

I missed him. My heart ached for him despite how much I tried to deny it.

F: "so what are we going to do about it?"

YN: "he doesn't deserve me smashing back into his love life, he is happy again and I don't want to take that away from him!"

F: "and what about your happiness?"

My mouth parted but I remained silent. She called me out, I had wasted these past few weeks prioritizing his happiness that I couldn't even confirm was real.

Freya looked at me with sympathy. I bit my lip to stop myself from crying due to the overwhelming urge to run to the phone and ask Lando for him to take me back.

YN: "I can't move on, I don't want to, I love him still."

I wasn't expecting to delve into this d&m when I organized this lunch with freya but it was needed and welcoming.

F: "shit yn."

I combed my fingers through my hair, lifting the weight of my scalp. Freya was just as speechless and lost as I was. Despite how bad he hurt me I wanted him back.
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