Crash and burn

Chapter 29

Because two races were taking place in Austria lando and I decided to rent an air bnb, letting us play house snd have plenty of time away from everyone else.

Our interview went viral, it had even caught attention from people who weren't F1 fans suddenly captured by our relationship. It was odd without a doubt to get edits and fanfic sent to me from my friends. Pierre had also made an effort to send a message poking fun about my reference to him.  All and all though char said it had done wonders for our image and member numbers had sky rocketed. Which was great seeing as silverstone was coming up which was massive for McLaren as a UK based team.

The team had been working overtime, finding ways to improve the car before silverstone. These improvements were going to be released with a new livery. I sat on the dining table sketching away ideas for the livery. Back in high school I had always been into design, it was a good way to calm me down and release stress aside from speeding down a track.
LN: "what are you up too?" He crept up from behind and swallowed me in his arms.
YN: "just playing around."
LN: "is that for silverstone?"
YN: "it's just an idea, nothing special."
LN: "yn that's amazing!" I shrugged. Not really seeing as much as he was.
LN: "you should show it to the team, give them some ideas..."
YN: "they have professionals for that."
LN: "your seriously underestimating how good this is." I moved my chin upwards to steal a kiss.
YN: "fine if you insist."
LN: "dinner?"
YN: "yes please."

We nestled outside on the couch under the stars next to the fire. I watched lando in the glow of the fire eating the pizza he made. He had grown from eating plain margarita to this chicken pesto one which made me kinda proud, he had done a lot of maturing over the year that I had noticed especially since he was now the more experienced driver between the two of us.
LN: "watcha staring at?" He broke me out of my day dream, my checks fired with embarrassment.
LN: "I know I'm quite the spectacle." He wiggled his eyebrows to try ease my embarrassment.
YN: "shut up...." I desperately wanted to move on with the conversation.
LN: "no! No, what's going on up there?" I let him sit in silence for a bit before finally caving.
YN: "I was thinking about you, don't cringe but it's good to see how much you've grown over the year ya know..." he looked deep into my eyes, grinning from ear to ear.
YN: "stop! it's not funny!" I ran over to tackle him to the grass. We both squealed with laughter as he pinned me to the ground, both arms of mine by my head.
LN: "you know it's all because of you." I stopped struggling, I studied his the lips that just spoke, the crevice in the top lip. He was perfect. He moved down to kiss me and the insides of my stomach began to run wild, the love we had for each other was coursing through our veins, gravitating our bodies towards each other. I felt so blessed to have him during the best years of my life, he brought me so much happiness and joy as well as drive and serenity when I need it. I don't know what I would be doing without him.
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In the morning Lando and I decided to rent two push bikes to ride to the circuit as a warm up. All the practices had gone well, I was sitting about P8 which was great but P5 was always my ultimate goal. When the opportunity presented itself I wanted my first podium this season though, ideally in silverstone. It would make a massive statement for females in the sport.

Quali was the time to turn it on.

I had gone so deep into my head I didn't realize I had been rolling my back for 5 minutes.
LN: "you okay?"
YN: "yeah. Just thinking about silverstone."
He raised his eyebrows inquisitively.
LN: "already? How about we focus on this race?"
I scoffed.
YN: "no of course, I mean I want to be getting better leading up to silverstone."
LN: "better?! Your doing so well where you are!"
Sometimes I felt like he didn't understand me, no matter how many times we went down this road he didn't understand the pressure to the extent I do. But it was a lost cause, it's impossible to know.
YN: "thank you." I stood up kissing his check before leaving his room to go speak to my strategist. A part of me that thought rationally knew to be happy with what I was getting but the selfish part still wanted more.
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After coming away with P7 in qualifying and maintaining that in the race I wasn't exactly thrilled. Everyone around me was happy for me but I just felt average. It didn't help that Lando and I had agreed to have people come over for dinner post race. As I was setting up drinks and food before everyone arrived, lando decided to engage in a debrief on the race surfacing everything I was feeling.
LN:  "you ok?"
I decided to ignore it, not wanting to disclose my frustration with myself.
LN: "yn...cmon..."
I dropped the last plate a little louder than I meant to. Raising my hands to my face, trying to relieve the pressure building. He tried to wrap his arms around me to calm me down but I just felt more agitated.

This was the biggest challenge to our relationship. F1 was a heavily emotional sport, it had the power to shatter us if we let it.
YN: "I'm not improving, I'm just average. I can't overtake in races-"
LN: "shhhh when did this start?"
YN: "when I realized how close silverstone was."
LN: "it's just another race."
YN: "but I'm not just another driver!"
He sighed. Disappointed.
LN: "again?"
I threw my arms in the air and let them fall.
YN: "lando I can get as much help as humanly possible but the thoughts are still there, the pressure... just give me a couple minutes and I'll collect myself, use the tactics Jason gave me..."
I took deep breaths to try calm down. His eyes were wild desperate to find mine. I couldn't help but pity him, he wanted to help but there wasn't really anything he could do.

Just when I thought the panic attack was about to come out in full force, he took me by surprise. Kissing me hard, my breath stuck in my chest. He leaned back with a grin in his face.
YN: "what was that for?"
LN: "feel better?" I pursed my lips and furrowed a brow.
YN: "yes... actually."
LN: "I saw it on a tv show as a remedy for panic attacks." I was in complete awe. I couldn't help but laugh, it was absurd. The doorbell interrupted my laughter signalling company had arrived.
LN: "we all good?"
I nodded grabbing his hand and walking towards the door.