Crash and burn

Chapter 62

I was hunched over the toilet not even 5 minutes after lando left me to be alone with my thoughts.

We barely said anything to each other before his phone began to have a conniption sending him out of the room. Missy I presumed.

Oh god I couldn't stomach what I had done. When I said I wanted lando back this wasn't how I was hoping it to shape out. Cheating?

I felt the bile rise further and further up my throat. My anxiety had been fleshed out to the max after being in hiding for so long. I closed my eyes and took long deep breaths to steady myself, slowly but surely I got a grip.

My hair stuck to the sweat on my neck so I pulled it up into a loose bun. From there I was lost. It was the middle of the night, I couldn't talk to Jess, lando was out of the question. I could try to go to sleep but the thought alone sounded like it would be a challenge.

I put on trackies and a hoodie that covered my face and decided to venture out. I walked out of the hotel and kept walking without any destination.

Suddenly I realized I was on autopilot and had arrived at the track. Everything had been packed up except for the barriers and signage. I jumped up and over one of the gates and started to walk the track.

I laid down in the middle of the start to let myself alone with my thoughts. I had no idea what this meant for lando and I, did he want to tell missy, does he still want to be with her, does he break up with her but not want me either? The possibilities stream lined through my mind until eventually I thought of nothing at all.
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JH: "yn! I come with offerings!"

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes as I opened the door.

JH: "I was so proud of you last night so I brought you coffee!"

My breath became stuck in my throat and the color drained from my face.

JH: "for soldiering through the party, I know it must've been really hard to see them together but your doing the right thing."

The right thing. God I couldn't not tell her. As much as I wanted to suppress everything, keeping the truth from her would land me worse off.

YN: "erm...about that...dont be mad but last night I did something incredibly stupid and I am super ashamed about it so if we could keep the critiques to a minimum-"

JH: "just tell me, it's okay."

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes tight before I exhaled hoping to feel some sort of relief.

YN: "I slept with lando last night."

She was frozen in the door. I bit my bottom lip as I nervously waited for her to respond.

JH: "I don't know what to say."

I knew it was a lot to ask for but when she didn't immediately jump to my support it pulled out my heart. I felt the tears well up.

YN: "Jess...I tried but..."

I chocked on a sob but I collected myself and prevented a full on break down.

YN: "I feel terrible... and missy-"

JH: "I don't care about her, we are barely friends. I'm worried about you yn."

She closed the door behind her and ushered my confused self to the bed to sit down.

JH: "this is dangerous, and naive. You two are team mates but also competitors out on track. Going back and forth like this..."

I fixated my eyes down to my hands, I picked my fingers furiously as I listened to her. She made a good point, I had moved up to the front of the field and we were more likely to race each other. Having so many emotions involved.