Crash and burn

Chapter 8

Lando offered to show me a private spot that he always goes to under the elevated part of the McLaren trailer adjacent to Williams. We sat down backs against the wall, if our feet reached out to each other they would just touch.
YN: "you always press and press for me to tell you what's wrong even when I don't want to, so why won't you tell me, are you just hypocritical or what."
LN: "your serious."
YN: "yes! My only guess is you miss Carlos and I can't replace him but guess what nobody can! I'm a different person okay so it's not gonna be the same but I'm a great teammate-"
LN: "shhhh okay okay. Just because we can't be seen doesn't mean we can't be heard, let's not share this with the whole world."
I took a breath noting to be careful of my voice, sticking to a whisper. I lifted my eyes to his which were shifting every which way but to me.
YN: "lando ... come on tell me what's going on." I gently urged him, we had gravitated towards each other all season and become so close and all of a sudden he was closed off. The stand off had only been going on for a few hours but nonetheless I craved to here him laugh and see him smile again.
YN: "lando." Finally he caved and looked at me. Wild eyes were not what I was expecting to see.
LN: "don't worry ladies landos still single, I only talk to him because I use him for information or for the car."
YN: "oh my god is this about the interview? I had to say that first of all, secondly even if we were dating I wouldn't tell reporters about it, Charlotte made that clear."
LN: "fuck charlotte."
YN: "what?! What on earth is going on with you? grow up and tell me what's really wrong."
LN: he slammed his hand against the ground, wincing with pain as he pulled it to his chest but I didn't dare care, I'm close now. "You friend-zoned me to the whole world."
YN: "what was I supposed to do profess my undying love for you?"
LN: "agh you don't understand, I've made all these moves and you just shut me down again and again, like if you don't feel the same way do me the respect of saying something."
YN: "how was I supposed to decipher all that."
LN: "no, no no no you can't be the one to not be honest if that's what we are raving on about today, do you feel the same way?"
The anxiety creeped back, I'm thankful for the dark for hiding the heat that has surfaced across every inch of my skin.
YN: "it's not that simple."
LN: "it's a yes and no question doesn't get simpler than that."
YN: "Lando it's my rookie season first of all, second of all I'm representing females in the sport if I got with my teammate before the season even started what does that say about introducing more girls into F1?"
LN: he ran his fingers through his hair letting out a sigh of frustration "do you even speak to Jason, have you actually listened to anything I say?"
YN: "once." It was less than a whisper.
LN: "fuck me, if you actually committed to talking to him and sorting through your problems you wouldn't have the weight of first female driver pull you down all the time. Yeah it's cool, your setting the trend but it's not all up to you, nobody has told you that the fete of females in sport is on you, that's just cooked."
YN: "nobody says it but it runs through my head all the time." It was the first time acknowledging it to someone else, the hell my mind was in. Tears were coming out now, the emotional rollercoaster of the day I've had hasn't exactly helped. "And yeah, your the only one who gets my mind of it, I thrive off how you make me think how you make me feel, I think your more than a great mentor but-"

He stole the distance between as fast as he could, colliding, my salty lips moving against his as my hands reached to his hands already planted against my face, telling them not to leave. Although they did, moving down to my hips, they maneuvered lando and i together around so I was sitting on his lap now. We continued to breath each other's air until he pulled back suddenly. Cool air brushing across my face.
LN: "I'll keep this a secret until the season is over, ensure you get off to the smooth start you want, setting a great reputation for yourself. On the one condition that you see Jason and get your anxiety under control."
YN: I pulled myself off him. "You wanna start this relationship with an ultimatum?"
LN: "no. I just want you to get the help you deserve, finally get some peace in that beautiful mind of yours."
YN: the idea didn't sit well with me, but i wanted this with lando and I wanted it to be kept quiet, if this is what it takes I'm okay with that. "I will."
LN: "promise?"
YN: "promise."

We coordinated for him to leave first to go to the cafeteria, leaving me time to fix my hair and dry my left over tears. I couldn't believe how much control I had lost over the day, this wasnt the way I had planned to reach F1 success, but for some reason my heart took the reigns, I couldn't not take up landos offer.