I Promise, I'll Leave! But, With No Regrets!!

Chapter 113

The worked-up emotions that affected his whole could be sensed from the sudden change of pace of his heartbeat. It was a nice ring in the ear, making me have the awareness that he was being genuine then.

"It's not a pretend...!!", the young master shouted to my brief laughter.

"You're too loud."

"......"

The silence lingered until I could take the initiative to continue the conversation, like the way I started it.

"...Let's suppose that you didn't lie at that part. But then, how long will that last? Did you think I wouldn't be so doubtful of this sudden change in many different ways?"

"Did you think I would just accept you, who once acted similarly to the person who just abused his authority to punish me abusively for my so-called sins that he was being very desperate about, a while ago?"

"...You, who likewise turned a blind eye to my despair?"

There was never a scent of reluctance to be sniffed from my consecutive sentences. In the same manner, I focused a stare made of wrath, right behind the juvenile's face.

This straightforwardness came from the confidence that I held from several of the facts that I spoke of. I, myself, have already noticed for long that I was only making use of this to push him away.

However, what could I have done to the lingering bitterness in my heart.

No matter the sincerity Lucian was capable of expressing to my side, I helplessly regard that as another mockery to what I've went through because of his father and himself.

No one would know how hateful I was to my very own existence for acting no better than the duke, who poured his obsession to the past. Right here, right now... my selfishness could only be described at the same way to how I saw the duke's foolishness as.

It made me loathe the least idea of thinking about things as deeply as before. For the more I reflected upon my emotions, the further contradictions evolved within the boundary of my thoughts.

"I know it well enough that apologizing wouldn't be as fulfilling to hear. If I did something as half-hearted as that, it would only seem like I was expecting to be forgiven with a simple word or two."

"But that doesn't mean I'm giving up either.", saying the statement, he proceeded to move his legs along the hallway again.

I clenched my hands that hung on Lucian's broad shoulders with my lower lip trapped in a bitten state. And when I was about to offer him a reply, he got to take the lead on speaking of what was in his mind before I could.

"From now on, I'll be doing as I please to obtain your approval of myself as your brother. That's all there is to it."

I was irked by the detestable determination that he was trying to impress before my eyes.

"I am utterly disgusted!"

"Why, thank you for your compliment."

"I can't understand why you're doing this, still!"

"You don't have to if you desire so."

"I...!!- I......", my voice wavered at the end of my unfinished phrase.

Soon, this trembling affected my arms as it gathered a fuzzy sensation below my eyes.

"I... don't need... any more of you people's false kindness...!!"

Salty droplets of water fell down my cheeks and dragged along the blood that dripped around the fresh cut on my face.

I once swore that I would no longer cry for anything, but that oath was now declined. No... That promise has been broken for long......

After all, I have been crying in every passing moment from the bottom of my heart.

Crying for hope. Longing for salvation. And craving for genuine love and happiness.

I never threw away my expectations about this family. All I did was lie to myself, in order to cover my inner desires which bore a very low possibility to happen in reality.

In truth, I wanted to be recognized; to be accepted in this place. I still yearned for the old days where I would sit on my usual spot in the garden as I giggle while I enjoy my time with my father, who would draw a smile on his face so tenderly.

I lusted for an everyday which would be fine even without my mother's existence, as long as a kind father and brother would stay by my side forevermore. Of course, I would've preferred it better if the Duchess was also in that picture.

I wanted to stay here.

But reality was just far apart from my ideals. What stayed was a different gaze; different words; different treatment.

Different. Different... All of it were different...!!! So different as though it has been decided from the beginning that I was destined to get betrayed that way.

That's why, just stop it, at this point...... Don't give me unnecessary, and useless-

"......daydreams."

That's right! I must be daydreaming again right now! Because in the first place, Lucian would never spout such nice words tagged along with a gentle treatment toward myself!

There was once a time that I had such disapproving thoughts about the situation. However, it didn't last as much as I thought it would do.

Gasp...?!

When I came to my consciousness, I was too late to realize that I directly fell into a deep slumber in the middle of my conversation with my half-brother.

Taking the fact that I must've been enveloped by the fatigue into account, it could've been inevitable for me to reach the state of being asleep during the time.

As soon as I woke up, I quickly had the upper part of my body to rise from the bed, only to observe how it was already nighttime as I was really sent back to my room with propriety.

I emptied my mind to prevent the stress from assaulting me once more, although temporarily. But then, in a blink of an eye, another piece of landmine has been triggered right by my side, all because I perceived its presence only after a second later.

"Lady Melissa!!", a familiar voice of a youthful man reached my ears in an instant.

I forgot......

There was still this guy...!! I thought, referring to the little bodyguard with the black hair and purple irises, whom I also didn't expect to be right next to my awakening moments.

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♣I sincerely apologize for the delay!!!! TwT ) Several health issues and other circumstances arose, thus last week's update has been posted alongside today's chapter. I am terribly sorry to have tested the reader's patience w/o posting a single notice beforehand, at the time!!! q~q;

♣I hope for everyone's kind consideration toward this matter as they continue to support this novel. >~< )/ May everyone have a nice day!!!

                                                                                  -MishaBonnellac-