Spaces // Z.M A.U

Chapter 12

"Advice is like a stranger, if he's welcome, he stays the night; If not he leaves the same day."

- African Proverb.

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ALISON'S POV

I should never have met Zayn yesterday.
Don't get me wrong. It was great seeing him and working out something for this baby but the end result is me missing him.

After that text he sent me, I was glad that he was able to sleep without taking those stupid pills but then it resulted in me tossing and turning all night long. Thinking about him.

I was thinking about those stupid little things and it made me ask a question that Zayn probably thinks about too.

Why did I leave him?

Despite what he did to me, Zayn was probably the best boyfriend I had and he didn't exist anymore.

I was actually very close to either calling him or going over to his place in the early hours of the morning and Zayn wouldn't care.

He will encourage me to come to him any hour of the day and he would put me first before anything else.

Hence, Zayn would be glad if I came to him at all during this period we not together.

But with me being so stubborn, I refuse to show him that I still care about him. I am trying to put out to him I can do this without him. That I don't need him.

Physically I can put a incognito act but inside my emotions just want to pour out and I hate admit it, he made me weak.

Why am I so wrapped around his finger?

When you young - you make the stupidest mistakes. You so naive, so gullible, so ignorant that you don't care what happens.

When relationships come into the picture, you sure know that you will be accustomed to it and you put so much belief into it. You so hooked by the actions that person that it is hard at the end of the day to ever think of leaving this person.

This person is like your own personal drugs you need to have your fix everyday. This person can possibly be the only person that can understand you in ways your friends and family who have known you for years on - don't.

This person for me is Zayn.

I believe in him still and I believe the words that was in the text he sent me. We can work things out.

I know that we will one day. Just not now.

If that day comes where I forgive Zayn, I just hope that I will not regret it.

My dad always taught me to forgive and forget. He said that I should never hold grudges against anyone. No matter who they are or what they did.

"Yes. They might have done something you don't necessarily like but Alison, holding grudges against that person is not how you should go on with your life. Life is too short to do such things like that. There might be a day where you need that person and he or she wont be there for you all because of that grudge you hold against that person."

"So whenever you in such a situation, think about it first and then you can forgive the person. It will all come right over time."

Oh father, how I miss you so much. How I wish you were here today helping me through this tough time.

Deciding that I wasn't going to get any more sleep than I already had, I got out bed to smell the pancakes Clare was making.

It amazes me how she can get up at eight on a weekend. I know that I can't at all. The latest I sleep on the weekend is ten but now that I am pregnant, my sleeping patterns is very messed up.