Karma (Wattpad Exclusive)

13. Nemo

Ruth finally went to the house that Rosabella spent her childhood playing at. The house that was once full of life with little children and their parents running around was now silent. The house looked the same as it was in the video, but yet didn't feel the same. The only person who lived there was Marcel and his Grand Father. The old man greeted Ruth, and she wished him before they went out to the backyard. The wooden table was still standing in the same place. Ruth ran her hand over the wood as she pictured two little kids sitting at the table. She wished she knew them then. Suddenly, there was a bark. She turned around and saw a big gold retriever run to Marcel. He kneeled down and petted it. Ruth kneeled beside them and placed her hand on its head and whispered, "Simba." Marcel looked at her in shock as the dog barked and licked her hand.

   "How do you know? I th-thought she told you nothing," he questioned.

   "I saw the videotape you sent her." He nodded and took the dog into the house. He came back outside and closed the door so Simba wouldn't come out. At last, they sat down at the table to talk. "What happened? Where did you go? I remember Rosie saying you can back from London."

   "Why should I t-trust you and tell you all this?" he shot back.

   "Because I'm the only who would understand," Ruth replied, and Marcel knew she was right.

   Marcel sighed. "Sometimes life just p-pushes you down when everything is going g-great you know." He paused.

   "Take you time," Ruth whispered.

   "A-after Christmas, her mum fell sick. She was sent to the hospital. They diagnosed her with cancer. Day by day, she got worse. I remember holding Ro-rosabella's hand and telling her I'll always be there for her. By the end of D-december, her mother passed away. Things couldn't have gotten any worse for Rosabella, but it did. Four months later, my d-dad brought the news that we were moving to London. He got a transfer there. She held me and c-cried so bitterly that night." He looked at Ruth and found her listening attentively. "We even had our first kiss that night and said I love you," he said and chuckled as a tear rolled down his cheeks.

   "I promised her I will always love her and we will always be best friends. I was naïve to think we could make it. We wrote to each other every month. We would face time at least thrice a week. She kept telling me that 5th grade wasn't fun without me and I missed her too. I think sometimes when you miss someone, you push them away, hoping that you'll stop missing them. You fill your life with other things, so there is no space for them. That is what I did. Hardly six months I started backing out and breaking the promise. 3 face times a week became none. The more I pulled away, the more guilty I felt and the more it led me to pull back. By the end of fifth grade I realized I didn't love her." By this Marcel's speech was flowing fluently.

   "What do you mean?"

   "I-I'm gay," he replied and then he waited. He expected her to mock at him. To say something cruel like everyone else, but she just nodded and gestured to go on.

   "I mean, I didn't exactly know what I was then, but I had developed a huge crush on this boy in my new school. The fact that I liked someone else while my Rosabella loved me, stung me. I knew telling her I loved someone else would hurt her, so I moved away completely and cut off all connections."

   "But you did love her. Maybe not romantically, but you loved her dearly as a friend," Ruth added.

   "Yes, but as I said, I was young and dumb. I let guilt get the best of me and pushed her away."

   Ruth waited for a moment. Marcel closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He let out another loud sigh. Then he looked at her and she spoke, "What brought you back?"

   "Well, my parents found out I was gay and they thought Bridgewoods was the right place for me. Heck yah, they were right. This is one fucking homophobic town," he said and hit his hand on the table.

   "Did you ever get to tell her the truth?"

   "No. I messed up."

   "What happened?"

   "Life can be a bitch sometimes. All I wanted was to ask her to come meet me and explain what happened in 5th grade. But on that day when I finally got the nerves to write to her, I found out that Dorian was cheating on her. I was in the woods when I heard a giggle. I quickly hide behind a tree. With my own eyes I saw Dorian kiss-"

   "Yeah! Yeah!" she yelled and cut him off. "Skip that. Just hearing about what they did makes me wanna kill them."

   Marcel nodded and went on, "So when I went home my boyfriend called me and told me how Rosie saw us as in me and him talking in the forest. By the way, I was returning home after I met my boyfriend when I saw Dorian. It scared my boyfriend that she might tell her friends, but I knew my Rosabella wouldn't do that. That night I wrote the letter to her and next day after school I spoke to her."

   "She mixed the whole thing up?" he nodded and started explaining what happened, "... I tried talking to her many times after that but she just kept ignoring me. She never got to hear what really happened." A drop of water fell on his hand as he stared at the table. "C-can't believe she d-died hating me," his voice cracked, and he sniffed. "I'll never be forgiven," he whispered.

   "Hey hey." Ruth placed her hand on Marcel's and squeezed it. "She knows okay. Trust me. If she saw you kissing a guy, she must have figured out that you are gay, and she found out Dorian is a liar, so she surely ended up believing you. I assure you that resentment towards you was a no no in the bunch of emotions that girl felt when she died," Ruth assured him.

   "B-But I didn't get to apologize," he whispered and looked at her. His blue eyes filled with tears.

   "She knows you are Marcel. Trust me." She held both his hands in hers and squeezed it. "Please don't blame yourself."

   "It is just hard, Ruth. You know it is."

   Ruth stayed silent. Marcel wasn't the only one who blamed himself for Rosabella's death. Ruth blamed herself, too. Guilt was like Pacman. It consumed everyone that were involved.

   "I just hate myself! I let my best friend die. I let my boyfriend die. I couldn't stop either of their deaths-"

   "What do you mean?"

   Marcel stood up and took Ruth's hand. They went back into the house and he took her to his room. He took the photo frame that was beside his bed and gave it to Ruth. She looked at the two cheerful teens with their arm around each other. Jerry made a bunny ear behind Marcel and he looked at Jerry and giggled.

   "My grandfather took that. He thought he was my girlfriend what he didn't know was Jerry was that trans man. We told no one about our relationship. I loved him so much and wanted to tell the entire world, but he made me promise not to. Even our parents didn't know except my granddad. Jerry wanted to tell people after his family accepted him, which unfortunately never happened," Marcel explained.

   Listening to him brought tears to Ruth's eyes. She knew what the pain of losing someone you loved felt like. She left the photo back and hugged him. Poor Marcel lost both his loved ones.

   "No matter what you did, you couldn't have stopped it, Marcel. It was this town. This fucked up town and their messed up family that drove them to suicide. Not you. It wasn't your fault," Ruth whispered as she held the boy tightly in her arms while he sobbed. She cried too.

   "I-I just really miss them," Marcel cried. "I might not haven spoken to her, but seeing Rosabella everyday just lit up my day and Jerry, he was my life. My life and light got ripped away from me."

   Ruth rubbed his back as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I know how you feel. It sucks. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to lose them. I'm sorry life is cruel."

   They both ended up sitting on the bed with Ruth's hand holding Marcel's and his head resting on her shoulders. The room was silent. They both had stopped crying, but Ruth continued to stroke his hand with her thumb. "Thank you for telling me this," she whispered.

   Marcel hummed in response and replied, "If you need to talk about that day, I'm here okay?" he turned his hand and squeezed hers.

   "Yes, please, but not right now. I think we cried enough for one day. They must be already bored with seeing us crying all the time," she commented, making Marcel laugh.

   At that moment, a special bond was created between them two and Ruth swore she would protect her Rosie's Nemo as her own.