(I had to include one of the most legendary mashups I've ever heard. Happier actually majorly inspired this storyline, which is why I quote it in this chapter~)
The Berg ride to WICKED's headquarters is stifling. Thomas goes off in another room, and I can hear him crying quietly over the thrum of the engines.
I'm too broken to cry. I just sit in a corner, feeling like I can't even breathe through the pain. He's gone, and there was nothing I could do.
As a distraction I pull out the notepad containing Newt's journal and flip towards the end, hoping somehow, despite all logic, that he had faked it all and left a message of where he actually was, alive.
Dear Ash, one entry begins, and my heart pounds. I may never see you again. I'm beginning to accept that, but still hoping for the best. Like one of my songs says, "I have written you down, you will live forever." Even if you never find this or read it, I have written you down. I have written so much about you, and I believe somehow that it means our story won't ever die. If I do see you, I want you to have this. And, with the hope that you'll have this, I wanted to write out the lyrics to the last song. Our last song, the one you'll never get to hear.
I swipe my hand across my face and begin to read the lyrics.
Lately, I've been, I've been thinking
I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier
When the morning comes
When we see what we've become
In the cold light of day we're a flame in the wind
Not the fire that we've begun
Every argument, every word we can't take back
'Cause with the all that has happened
I think that we both know the way that this story ends
Then only for a minute
I want to change my mind
'Cause this just don't feel right to me
I wanna raise your spirits
I want to see you smile but
Know that means I'll have to leave
When the evening falls
And I'm left there with my thoughts
And the image of you being with someone else
Well, that's eating me up inside
But we run our course, we pretend that we're okay
Now if we jump together at least we can swim
Far away from the wreck we made
Then only for a minute
I want to change my mind
'Cause this just don't feel right to me
I wanna raise your spirits
I want to see you smile but
Know that means I'll have to leave
So I'll go, I'll go
I will go, go, go
So I'll go, I'll go
I will go, go, go
Lately, I've been, I've been thinking
I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier
Even though I might not like this
I think that you'll be happier, I want you to be happier
So I'll go, I'll go
I will go, go, go...
For me. This is how he felt for me. He wanted me to be happy rather than brokenhearted and holding to the idea of him, stupidly clinging to our foolish dreams of the world we could never have. I close my eyes and pretend I can talk to him. No, Newt. That isn't how it went. That isn't what I wanted. I wanted to be with you.
But we hadn't had a chance. We'd never had a chance. I clutch my knees to my chest and let the tears slide down my nose, small and alone and waiting to be dropped into hell itself.
~~
A/N: Thought I'd put the original version of Happier here, too~
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World Gone Mad (TMR fic 3)
FanfictionWiping Ash's memory was a mistake. As she slowly begins to piece together her old life, all her lost anger returns. If her life is falling apart, she'll make sure to set the world on fire with her. But will her focus on revenge destroy what good is...
