World Gone Mad (TMR fic 3)

Chapter 45

While most of the Right Arm is composed of bullheaded young men like Toby, there are members who don't fit that description. I find an older woman named Naomi almost right away. She was the mother of four, as she proudly tells me. She's not Immune, but she knows babies.

The baby reminds me a little bit of Sherlock, the cat I had owned when I was little. He's small, and squirms, and makes little mewling noises. Thankfully, he's pretty quiet, even when he's seriously displeased with my inability to handle him like he wants.

"You're doing quite well," Naomi says as I try to hold him properly. "You'll warm up to each other soon enough."

I don't really believe her, but I don't bother verbalizing my disagreement.

Naomi teaches me to change his diaper, and Zeke manages to find some baby formula for him. Then Naomi heads off to do whatever job Vince has for her.

I sit in a corner with my new charge, staring at him with a faint sense of panic.

Newt would have known what to do, or at least been warm enough to calm the baby down. I'm the worst possible choice for a caretaker of such a small and valuable life. But we're here now, and if I can't have Newt I guess I have to be him for someone else.

"Heya, Greenie," I whisper, and the baby stretches slightly, making me smile. He is cute, at least.

"So," Zeke says, sitting next to me. "What's his name?"

I shrug a little. "I'm just going to call him the Greenbean for now."

Zeke snorts. "Teen moms have the weirdest sense of humor." I glare at him, and he laughs more. "What?"

"You're annoying."

"Yeah, I know. I'm going to call him Beanie," he says, nodding to himself.

"Well, I'm already calling him Greenie."

"Perfect! He'll always be confused."

We sit for a few minutes, just watching Greenbean sleep. He's just like my life right now. Fragile and precarious and insignificant. I didn't realize how much power babies held until now. I would give anything to protect him, to make his life one worth living.

I glance up at Zeke and can tell he feels the same way. The boy is cheerful and kind, and I feel a pang as I think about the upcoming battle.

"Are you going to die in the attack?" I blurt.

"Why? Worried about me?" he gives me a smug expression, and I barely refrain from swatting him.

"Maybe. Maybe I'm just curious."

He sighs. "Yeah. We're going to die. Maybe not in the attack, but it doesn't really matter, does it? Because I'm not Immune, so I can't survive this anyway. The only thing we can do is make sure the Immunes live. That's why we're doing this. To stop WICKED and protect you."

"I wish that wasn't true," I say softly.

"What do you mean?"

I meet his eyes, just so he can see how serious I am when I tell him. "I knew a boy who wasn't Immune. He deserved to live far more than I do. But he's off dying in a ditch, and I'm here, with a chance to live. If I could trade places with him I would. Heck, I'd change places with you. I don't deserve this. Greenbean deserves better than me."

"Maybe," Zeke says. "But we can't make those decisions. It's better that Beanie has you than no one." His eyes are sad, and it makes everything more real.

"I guess," I say thickly, trying not to think of Zeke dying, falling victim to the Flare. "Is Vince gonna be mad that I took Greenie?"

"I don't think so. He has a soft spot for kids. It almost matches his hard spot for WICKED."

I chuckle, then bite my lip. "What are we going to do with him during the attack?"

"Beanie? I don't know. Maybe Naomi can come and keep him nearby but out of range of the fighting. Do you know what your job is yet?"

I shake my head. "I drew a map of WICKED for Vince, but I don't know yet what I'll be doing."

"Well, hopefully we'll be able to watch each other's backs," Zeke says, giving me a fist bump. "Tell Greenbean hi for me when he wakes up."

I glance down at the Greenie, who has fallen fast asleep. "Will do."

He stirs in my arms, and I clutch him closer.

"You would have loved Newt," I whisper as Zeke leaves. "He was so kind..."

~~
A/N: Things are getting so sad, I can't handle this :((