All This Time // H.S. // A.U.

Chapter Seventy-Eight

Present Day

RILEY

All the guilt I felt that day came rushing back.

I knew while it was happening that I was in the wrong. The memories of that day played over and over in my head for years. I picked apart every awful thing I said, the look on his face, the harshness of his voice, it haunted me. Nights were spent analyzing and wondering how we had even gotten to that point.

The rock of the boat was oddly comforting as I tried to find the words to start. When I looked over at Harry, he had an amused smile on his face.

"What?" I asked, confused as to how he could find any amusement in this upcoming conversation.

"You look like the world's about to end." He said, "This is a good thing, Ri."

I huffed out, "I know, it's just..." I trailed off, not knowing exactly how to describe it.

"Nerve wracking?" He supplied, "Painful?"

I nodded.

"I'm glad you walked out that day." He ended up saying after a brief silence fills the cabin.

A weird mix of emotions hit me as his words digest. It felt both like a slap in the face and release of stress.

Harry continues, looking out the glass doors in front of us, "Don't get me wrong, it was one of the worst days of my life, but it needed to happen. Neither of us were happy."

"I'm sorry." I say quietly, "I was awful to you that whole time."

"I wasn't being fair, either." He added.

Shaking my head, I tell him, "No, you were great. You-"

"No, I wasn't, Riley." He interrupts, "I wasn't being honest with you. I was so afraid to talk to you about how I was feeling back then, and I let it get to me. Half of those fights we kept having were my fault."

"I don't blame you for being annoyed or pissed at me." I let out a deep breath, "God, if it were you treating me that way, I would've lost my shit at you."

He laughs and agrees, "You would've. And I'm not saying you weren't being a bitch, because you totally were." I smack him lightly in the arm in jest, but he catches my hand and holds it. "But I was also a moody asshole."

My eyes lingered on our connected hands laying in between us on the floor. Our fingers toyed with one another's, a welcoming sign. "Those things I said... They were completely uncalled for, and I-"

"I needed to hear them." He finishes once again for me. I'm taken aback by his admission, not able to respond to that at all. After a second, he looks at me, eyes sad, "Maybe not the way you said them, but they were still true."

I winced, "I don't know how you're so forgiving."

A short laugh escapes through his lips, "I told you I went through a lot of therapy."

"Maybe I should look into that." I joke dryly

"It was the best decision I ever made." He said, "Not only was I able to work out a lot of my issues stemming from my parents, but I got to talk about us."

"You did?" I ask, not sure why I was surprised. After the number I did on him, of course, he would talk about me. I shifted uncomfortably on the floor.

He gave me a look of amusement, a what else would I talk about look. Pulling on my hand, he tells me, "C'mere, I don't like you so far away."

I snorted, "We're, like, less than a foot apart."

"Exactly. Way too far." He grins.

I roll my eyes, but scoot so I was directly next to him. His arm wraps around my back, settling on my hip, while his free hand reaches up to tilt my head towards him. It was a soft, caring touch, and his eyes were kind as he says, "This is going to get more uncomfortable and difficult, and I don't want you overthinking all this, like anything we say here makes me feel any differently about you, okay?"