Don't Forget About Me

14. Blissful heart

I am scared of seeing the heart specialist who might even give me the time left that I have to live. I am scared of missing the most beautiful things in life like finding my mate and happiness with him. I am afraid of leaving my family broken behind me the day I die. Why did I survive the attack just to die a few years later? It is not fair.

I am scared for Kate who has to face her worst nightmare today at the trial just because I asked her to come. John Moore had her living in terror for so many years and I just had to ask her to see him another time when she spent fourteen years too much with him. I feel cruel, but I want Kate to show everyone what he did to her. I want to show everyone how he split us up and what difference it made in us who were supposed to be identical.

I leave my room and join my waiting family in the garden. Princess, Mother, Father, Kate and Tom are the ones that will come. Vincent and Adam are staying here against their will because Princess and Kate told them to. I fail to understand why you would want your mate to not tag along.

The sun is shining on Kate and she looks beautiful with a natural sun-kissed skin tone and her black hair pinned up in braids against her will. She is wearing a black Ninjan uniform too and I can see how uncomfortable she feels in it. She looks miserable and glares nervously at the forest like she’s listening to the trees speaking.

I grab her hand and she presses mine back weakly. It pins my heart because I don’t understand how a wolf of all creatures can become so weak.

“I don’t like the helicopter,” she whispers terrified and I look at the big thing that I only flied once when I was unconscious.

“Let us be scared together then,” I add comforting and I can see a hint of a smile in the sad face of hers. It is soon clouded over by panic and I promise myself to do anything to make her feel better.

We walk slowly towards the helicopter and I can’t suppress the happiness I feel bubbling inside of me. I am holding my sister, the sister I thought I’d never see again. Everything is going to be okay. John will get his punishment and I can die happy now that I know Kate is safe. The hardest thing in waiting was not knowing. We don’t have to wonder anymore.

It’s a bit puzzling to feel happy and sad at once, but that’s how I feel. I help Kate into the helicopter and make sure she is tied to the seat correctly. Princess takes the place next to her and she brings Kate’s head down to lean on her shoulder.

“Just close your eyes and think of the Spirits,” Princess says softly. “Can you do that for me?”

Kate nods and shuts her eyes. I stare at them with jealousy. I wish I had that comforting aura around myself that my older sister has. Everyone likes her so easily and I don’t want Kate to like her more than me. It’s not fair of me to think like this. Not about Princess who loves us all equally. Is she blaming me for putting guilt on Kate just so she would come with us? What if they all are upset with me and find me weak?

I’m starting to cold-sweat in my seat and it has nothing to do with the fact that the helicopter is rising into the sky. I feel so guilty for being the one who survived and got to grow up in The Willow. It should have been Kate. She didn’t deserve to be punished by anyone.

It’s my fault that she was kidnapped. I lured her deeper into the forest that day because I didn’t share the berries I found. I even dragged her deeper because I really wanted to eat more berries. It was so selfish of me. I made it look like I was thinking about her when all I thought about was my own crave. I should have shared the berries with her from the first bush.

I blame the spirits because they didn’t warn me. I put the hate on them because I hate myself that much. I can’t allow any happiness in my life because of what I did. I don’t deserve the support of the Wolf Spirits. I don’t deserve to be loved by anyone. I hope she will be able to forgive me one day. All I want is to be with her and see her happy. I want to give her all happiness I took from her and denied myself.