Love & Hate and Friends & Lovers (Zouis/Larry)

38. Final chapter

I’m surprised. How does he know I've passed my exams? I’ve only known it for a couple of hours myself…

I smile at him. “Thanks.”

“So,” Zayn’s mother interferes. “It was very nice of you to visit, but we would like to celebrate this day with our family.”

This is her friendly way to get rid of me. Of course I don’t say anything about it and just politely nod and obey. “Yes… I guess it’s time for me to go. Have fun.”

This was certainly not the way I had planned it when I needed to see Zayn. Not with his mother just a few inches away and Zayn who barely looks or talks to me.

It’s probably better this way, better that I have to leave so soon. It confirms that I shouldn’t have done this. I don’t belong with Zayn and this day has confirmed it again, just like so many other days.

“Congrats again Zayn and good luck with everything I guess?” I feel like I’m stumbling over my words. I feel like I need closure, but this is just so awkward and painful.

I walk outside, not knowing how to feel.

“Wait,” Zayn calls after me.

I quickly turn around and look at him.

“Mum can I walk along with Louis for a bit? I’ll be back in half an hour.”

His mother furrows her eyebrows, seemingly in conflict, but eventually nods. “Fifteen minutes.”

I thank his mother and along with Zayn I walk away from his house. We walk very closely next to each other. Although we haven’t spoken to each other in a few weeks it still feels awfully familiar, but strange at the same time.

Today might be the last day I’ll see him. I don’t want this to end in a disaster. Not like the last time when I was broken for weeks. I have missed Zayn for over 5 weeks. Yes of course it’s different than in the beginning. In the beginning I wanted to just forget about the break up and be with him again. I don’t have those urges anymore. I’m happy with where I am. I just feel like I need closure. I want answers and peace. I feel like I at least need to apologize and be true to Zayn. I owe him that after everything that has happened.

“How did you know I made it?” I ask as a poor attempt of starting the conversation.

Zayn sighs deeply before answering. “After we broke up I tried to accept it. I tried to move on. But that wasn’t as easy as I hoped it would be. Let’s just say I felt like shit. But slowly I learned to accept it, accept the fact that it was over. It doesn’t mean I didn’t think of you. I thought about you a lot. I liked you so much Lou, or let’s say I still like you. Things may have ended but I still wanted to know if you made it. I still care for you.”

My heart flutters because of his honest and heartbreaking, but sweet words. “I do too,” I reply with sincerity.

We look at each other and smile. It feels good to see each other again. Too good. I feel butterflies in my stomach.

We walk together in silence as I try to form the right words, until I blurt out: “I’m sorry, you were right.”

He seems to ponder for a moment what I’m talking about before he understands.

As much as I hated the fact that we couldn’t be together as boyfriends in front of his family or friends, as much as I hated that I never really was a part of his life, or even belonged there; it was about Hazza. It always was and always will be. Zayn knew this all along. Hazza was the reason I broke up with Zayn. I didn’t want to admit that at first and instead I let the anger get the best of me and said things I wish I had never said.