His Blue Dog | Sope BOOK #1

27

"Yoongi?" Jin asked, turning to the younger. Yoongi looked up from his phone, over to his beloved hyung in a hospital bed.

"Are you okay?" Jin looked at Yoongi. "Yes, why wouldn't I be?" Yoongi smiled. "Yoongi, I know when you're not okay." Jin sighed. "I'm okay hyung- I bet Jimin-ah will be back soon." He smiled. "Show me you're phone." Jin reached out. Yoongi sighed, handing his phone over.

He knew Jin would pull the hyung card soon, he had to give it over.

I'm not good enough
Never will be
Wrecked the car
Almost killed my members
In love with a guy
Different in a bad way
Sociaphobia
Never fit in
Ignored because weird
'Suicidal guy'

"Yoongi, is this what you were thinking about?" Jin asked. Yoongi rubbed his inner arm and nodded, looking down. "I keep a list of my thoughts on my phone, so I can keep record and organize them..." Yoongi mumbled shyly. He hoped Jin didn't read it thoroughly.

"What do you mean by, in love with a guy?" Jin asked in confusion.

Yoongi couldn't possibly be...he didn't...

"I- nothing." Yoongi went to take his phone. Jin looked at him like a parent who had caught their child in something. "Yoongi, what does it mean?" Jin repeated sternly, placing Yoongi's phone between his legs so he wouldn't even try to get it. "I don't know!" Yoongi reached for his phone and grabbed Jin's dick accidentally, taking his phone back and moving away from him. Jin blushed and brought his knees up closer to himself. He didn't think Yoongi would go for it.

"If you're in love with a guy than just tell me." Jin stared at Yoongi. "I'm not, okay?!" Yoongi snapped. "I'm going to go find Jimin." He stood up and tried to leave. "Doctor said you can't leave me alone!" Jin shouted, hurting his head.

Yoongi paused. Jin was right...he had suddenly had trouble breaking three times in just eight hours. He didn't want Jin to get hurt.

He was pinned by confession. He had to now. But how? What was he supposed to say?

"Fine." Yoongi sat back down in the chair next to Jin's bed. He took a deep breath and sighed it out. Jin could tell he was scared. His face didn't show it, but his body language did. He was scared as hell.

"I think I might be." He nervously ran a hand through his hair. "I really don't know hyung, but I think I am. I don't want to be, love scares the hell out of me and I wouldn't trust anybody if they say they love me. I wouldn't trust them, which will end up in a breakup and I won't physically survive that. I don't ever want to be in love, I'm scared. Plus the fact I'm this huge star, they'll get death threats and hate me. I'm just scared hyung." Yoongi tried to hold in the tears.

Jin's heart cracked at the news and confession. He can't remember the last time Yoongi's said he was scared straight up. He's hinted, and made metaphors, but never said it straight up before. He was in love with a male. Jin didn't know how to react: he was so happy Yoongi was in love, he deserved it. But...it was just different.

Yoongi's heart was speeding in his chest, running around like a kid with a sugar rush.

"I don't want to be in love, yet with a guy- I'm so scared hyung, I really am alone in this and it's scary." Yoongi could feel himself breaking, feel the warm yet salty tears leave his eyes. He still tried to stay together though. "I'm just so confused, what if it's not even love? What if it's just a normal friendship? I'm lost, hyung, I don't know what to do."

Jin could hear the tremble in his voice the entire time.

"Yoongi-" "I shouldn't be scared, but I am which makes me weak, and it seems like everything just falls on me, not the person next to me- the small chance of everything hitting me happens all the time, it's hard and scary." Yoongi held his head in his hands, getting them wet the more he cried.

He hated it, why was he crying?! He hasn't cried in front of another member in a long time, why was he so fragile suddenly?! He hated it! He was embarrassed as hell, scared as hell, and confused as hell. He hated to admit anything, it made him feel like a confused teenager all over again. Like he was 'exploring himself' all over again.

Then again, depression took that away from him. He never explored himself, he was too busy trying to stay in school and eat to survive than to actually find himself. Here he was, purposeful cuts on his arms still, after all these clean years, crying in front of the only person he could call hyung, about his sexuality. He was almost twenty-eight, why was he questioning his sexuality so late? He said he knew himself, and he did. Key word: did. Now he was thrown off the train track he finally fixed and got working again, and the track was rusted all over again from the lack of care.

It's this big caracol that never stops turning.

"Yoongi, come here." Jin reached out for the younger. He felt terrible, seeing and hearing Yoongi like this. He definitely wasn't expecting this- which went to show how secretive Yoongi was.

What broke his heart more, was to see Yoongi's cute face destroyed with a frown and eyes glossed over with watery tears that were trailing down his soft cheeks. Yoongi laid down next to Jin on his hospital bed, curling against the elder and crying into his chest.

He was such a baby...

Jin held Yoongi like bubble wrap, clinged to him and resting his head on his. He could feel his rapid heartbeat and the few times he would choke softly on surprised cries. He hiccuped occasionally, in which Jin rubbed his back to hopefully comfort him until he calmed down.

Jimin stood outside the doorway, a hand over his mouth in shock. He didn't know what to think, there was too much to process at the moment. The water bottles he had bought were placed down on the floor, he didn't know what to think.

Yoongi, was...gay?