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Trigger Warning: Please refer to the more specific trigger warnings at the beginning of this book and then proceed with your mental health in mind.

Calum leaned against the leather cushions of the back lounge sofa on his band's tour bus. His upper teeth tugged at his lower lip, daring to bite through the delicate skin. He knew he had to be patient, they had to stagger their arrivals to the bus area so that at least the fans wouldn't suspect anything. Their bands were a different story. The understanding of why she was taking forever and the reality of having to wait for her did not coincide and his anxiety had his foot tapping incessantly against the laminate flooring.

Typically he considered himself a pretty patient guy but that didn't take into account that he was awaiting what he knew would most likely be one of the most important conversations of his life. Finally, he heard the sound of the door opening and the mumbled noise of his bandmates directing her to the back.

Only a moment later the door slid open and Fallon stepped into his view. Her cheeks had a peakish hue to them that spoke to her nerves. In all honesty he was a bit relieved to see that she was nervous as well.

"Hey."

"Hi." She said simply, her eyes dragging across the room appraisingly before she moved to sit on a chair across from him.

He knew he needed to speak next. It was him who had made the move to ask her to talk so he should be the one to start but past a brief greeting his mouth seemed hesitant to continue. It was like his brain and his mouth were unable to communicate and instead of speaking he simply stared ahead at the girl that he had never truly stopped loving, unable to tell her how he was feeling.

"You said we needed to talk...so let's do that." Her words could have come out sarcastic and cruel but instead they were soft and sincere, calmly urging him on with what she apparently could tell already was something he was struggling with.

"I took all this time...thought through what I wanted to say a thousand times and yet here I am, completely clueless on what to say to you." His eyes were glassy as he turned to look at her, emotion flooding his golden irises.

"Well I have a question that might help you get started?" The phrase was said as a question and his eyes moved from her face to the floor before returning to her eyes, forcing himself to swallow down all of his unsorted feelings as he waited for her to speak again. "Why've you been avoiding me?"

"I haven't—" He started before seeming to realize that being untruthful in this situation wouldn't do anything to help them. "I just thought we were getting a bit too close too fast." The words felt like a cheese grater against his throat but he couldn't be completely truthful without opening an entirely new can of worms and he wasn't sure he was prepared to do that.  Besides, the words weren't untrue. That reasoning just wasn't the main cause of his distance.

"And why not just say that to me? You and I had our communication established, I would think we could still manage to be open with each other now." A frown line formed between Fallon's dark eyebrows and he had to fight the urge to reach out and smooth it with his thumb.

"I dunno. Things feel weird. I still have all these feelings for you I never quite got over and I guess I just never expected for us to be able to even be civil on this tour. So, when you showed up at my room that night things changed. I saw a possibility of us finding our place together again. That night on the roof felt so fucking familiar and I realized how much I still want you and that scares me."

A beat of silence passed before Fallon spoke up. "Why does it scare you?"

A flash of pain like a strike of lighting passed through his eyes. "Because it feels dangerous for me to still want you. That desire makes me weak, it puts me at your mercy again. I don't know if I could endure it if we don't work out this time. I love you, Fallon. I never stopped...an—and.."

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