Randomness 1 (I Bit The Bullet)

III/VI) Something Therapeutic I Wrote

Disclaimer: I wrote this when I was in a bad place mentally. I'm doing much better now, so pls don't ask if I'm okay, cause the answer is yes. I just reread this and realized I'm proud of it and wanted to show you cause I think I wrote it very well. It features two of my original characters, Leon and Joseph Costa, whom I use for practically everything.

Trigger warning: Eldritch abominations and s*ic*d*al implications. Please take care of yourselves first and foremost.

A creature emerges, and the world goes black. It's like its eyes are the only thing still in existence, making my stomach twist and knot as I stare. Bile rises to my throat and I feel like my knees are going to crumple out from under me at any moment. It's as though the longer I watch, the less form I have. My very molecules are falling apart and tumbling in the ether. And I'm home, pressed against the bosom of some comforting, thrumping heartbeat. Let me sink farther, farther into this sensation. Swallow me whole.

It moves toward my twin and cups his face in what should be its hands. I'm almost a little jealous, I notice from within my enrapturement. Leon writhes for a while, clutching at his head like it's going to implode. He's whimpering as it lightly squeezes him. I can see his eyes go blank as they stream with tears. His fearful expression melts away, leaving nothing in its wake. Its tendrils creep along and sink themselves into every pore, every little dip and crack in his body as he succumbs. Please. No. Take me, not him. I deserve it. He doesn't deserve anything.

"Take me!" I beg, running a hand along my face. Where I expect to find a smile of adoration, I feel only wet cheeks and a gaping mouth. "None of this is his fault," I squeak without my brain's consent. Some complex sound comprised of echoes long-gone and screeches from somewhere blares into my mind like a bundle of parasitic worms as the ever-glorious being gives me attention. Humbled. I am truly honored and humbled. Necrotic substance seeps into me, burning like a blissful acid rain after a hot summer. I am wholly and intimately violated.

"You can't," he whispers, quaking. "At least he has a future. Let him go." Before my eyelids can flutter shut from the excruciating joy, I tilt my head ever so slightly. His eyes look less empty now, and he's sobbing. I open a fist.

"Lee, just let me do this for you. You make people happy. That's more than I can say about myself."

"But I WANT this! I've wanted this for so long! It's just... a pity that now you have to love me when it happens. It would've been better if I could've just been overcome while you still hated me! I know it's selfish, and I hate myself for craving its embrace so badly, but I can't see anything else anymore! This thing has followed us around for years!" The creature detaches itself from me, slowly but surely, and starts to inhabit him once again. I shake my head vehemently, trying to hold onto every fragment I can to stop it, but it slips out of my fingers every time. The pleasurable ache vanishes. He smiles at me, that same smile that I never knew was screaming out for me to notice. And suddenly, all the blackness starts to rage like a storm, enveloping him and nearly blocking him from my sight.

"NO! I REFUSE!" I yell. His breathing shudders at my reaction. "If yelling is the only way I can get through to you, then dammit, I'll scream into the very fabric of reality! I know I'm nothing but an asshole, so for once, I'm gonna be an asshole for the right reasons! I WON'T LET YOU!" I take a breath to pant. "I— I just got you back. After all this time, I finally got you back. It's not fair to ask you to stay, because you've been selfless for so long. But I am getting you out of here."

He stirs a bit, curling up. "But Joe, I have no purpose. No ambitions, no passions. I've wasted all of my potential. You're going to do so much good. I can't let it have you, either."