Eternity

35th

Opisyal

To be honest, I was hesitant.

A chance to be one step closer towards my lifelong goal was right in front of me yet I was reluctant.

Hindi ako sigurado kung tama bang tanggapin ang pagkakataong iyon. I wasn't sure if it was virtuous to pursue that dream of mine. Kakamatay lang ng Ate. Tapos ay iiwan ko na agad ang nursing para gawin ang gusto ko. I feel like I'm being selfish. Tila tuluyan ko nang tinatalikuran ang lahat sa pamilya ko. Sarili ko na lang ang iniisip ko.

"What do you mean, Raya? Totoo namang sarili mo dapat ang intindihin mo ngayon! Yourself is all you've got right now! Gosh! Naririnig mo ba ang sinasabi mo?" Solace was apalled after hearing my uncertainty.

Natuwa pa naman siya nang malaman sakin ang balita tungkol sa pagiging official delegate sa isang international event. She was even more excited than me. Tapos ito. Agad tuloy gumuho ang galak niya.

"Tingin mo ba matutuwa ang family mo na kinakawawa mo ang sarili mo ngayon? No, Raya! So stop being too hard on yourself! Wag mong isisi ang lahat sa sarili mo! Para kang tanga!"

Napabuntong-hininga ako. I know Solace can be brutally transparent sometimes but she doesn't understand. Hindi niya naranasan ang dinanas ko. Hindi niya nasaksihan ang nakita ko. Hindi siya ang nasa posisyon ko. I know it's just that she cares for me though so I won't force her to know what I feel.

She sighed. "Okay.. that must have been a little too much. Alam kong waka 'kong karapatang pangunahan ka pati na ang nararamdaman mo.. but still, Raya. Life must go on. Isipin mo naman ang kapakanan mo," aniya. "All your life you've been living the way they want you to live. Don't you think it's time for you to cut yourself some slack? Sundin mo naman ang puso mo. Gawin mo naman kung ano talaga ang gusto mo,"

Live your own life the way you really want from now on. Yun ang mga huling salita sakin ni Solace. I know it somehow pricked something in me. Hindi ko naman talaga tuluyang tinatalikuran ang posibilidad na tanggapin ang imbitasyon. Nagdalawang-isip lang ako. But a part of me really wanted to go too. In the end, Solace's words became the pushing force I didn't know I needed.

Kaya naman hindi nagtagal ay kinumpirma ko na ang pagdalo sa naturang pagtitipon.

"Sa makalawa na ang flight mo, Raya!" ani ng org President. "Hindi mo kasabay yung ibang representatives ng school natin dahil bukod ang booking ng plane ticket mo. Mauuna ka pero ayos lang dahil nakahanda naman na ang lahat ng kailangan! Wala ka nang aalalahanin pa!"

It didn't really hit me at first. Mula sa airport hanggang sa mismong flight. Lutang lang ako habang nasa eroplano. The moment I laid my foot on Scotland is when it finally got into me. It slowly began to sink in. Saka lang tuluyang rumehistro sakin ang lahat.

That this is real. And it's finally happening.

"May the universe grant us clear skies and favorable nights for the whole week of blast! We warmly welcome all our fellow astronomy enthusiasts as we are off to a flying start!" bakas ang accent sa tinig ng host.

Mabilis ang kabog ng dibdib ko habang tinatahak ang malamig na conference hall. Parang teatro. Malaki at maganda. Enggrande pa.

The first day of the symposium exceeded my expectation. It was beyond what I could ever imagine. Sobra-sobra ang pinaghalong kaba at excitement ko buong araw!