Countryside H.S. [R]

•twenty five•

I fall asleep, cuddled into Ed. He refused to have sex with me because I was over-intoxicated and not thinking straight. I would have still wanted to, even if I was sober. Harry, Ed and I stayed up until 1am in the living room, playing cards and other shit like that, telling each other secrets. I cried, and told them too much about my father.

I feel two strong arms go under my legs and lift my body. I open my eyes and see Harry, he woke me up on time, my dream was turning into a nightmare. He can't leave me though, I don't want to sleep if that's going to happen.

I cuddle into him, crying, "ah, it's okay, it's three am, it's not morning time yet," he whispers lightly in my hair. He then carries me to his room.

"Ed needs to sleep downstairs in the guest room, I'll sleep on the couch and you can have my bed," he says, placing me under the quilt. I cry, as he walks away. My head is in agony and I'm still intoxicated and when I'm like this, I do really stupid stuff, especially when I dreamt of my dad.

I hear him and Ed chatting and the guest room door shutting, then I hear footsteps fade. I'll just need to scream.

"Harry! Harry! Come back, Harry!" I cry and Harry runs up the stairs, flying in as I lie there in hysterics. He comes in shutting the door and running to my side.

"Are you okay? do you hurt? Where's it sore?" He asks and I immediately point to my heart and he sits down, hugging me, sighing loudly.

"What's wrong baby?" He asks, sighing worriedly.

"Everything's wrong. I'm wrong. I never do anything... Good... I'm so... Stupid. I love people too much, then end up getting it shoved back in my face, I sleep around, I have a dad who doesn't even want to know me, and my mother is marrying my old head teacher! The guy I love, he... He phoned the police on me because I was going to sleep with someone -"

"You love me..." He says, looking into my eyes.

"Yeah, obviously. I love you, but I don't want to love you, I don't want to love anyone. Everyone I love, either cheats on me or doesn't love me back," I shrug, wiping my eyes and hiccuping.

"Well, I love you, too " he says, "you love your mum, she doesn't hate you,"he says, furrowing his eyebrows.

"She does, I bet she thinks that if I wasn't born, daddy wouldn't have left, we'd still be a family, my mum wouldn't have to re-marry if I wasn't born... If I die, maybe dad will come back, yeah, that's all I need to do, yeah?" I say, quickly. It seems like a good idea, what do I have to live for anyway.

"No! No. That's not what you do," he says, his hand running up and down my back, soothingly.

"Yes! If-if I do that, daddy might come back for my funeral and love mum again, he won't leave me, he'll love me, he'll miss me.." I grin, that's what I've got to do.

"You're drunk, that's not what you do," he says, attempting to convince me not to take my pathetic life.

"I'm goddamned uncomfortable too," I say, "can I borrow some pyjamas, mine are away downstairs and Ed's sleeping in there?" I say and he nods. He pulls out some football shorts and a Rolling Stones t-shirt.

"Thanking you - where on earth are you away to?" I ask when he walks towards the door, "don't leave me, I need you to dress me, I can't feel my arms," I laugh and he chokes.

He walks up to me, "I c-can't," he says, gulping, "sorry..." He adds on. Why not, you fucking idiot.

"Why not, you've seen me naked before?" I laugh, "what if I undress myself and you put the clothes on me," I bite my lip, trying to seduce him. His eyes are wide.