This Is England » Freddie Highmore

62.

WILL YOU marry me?"

My heart stopped at Freddie's question. It was impossible to think that someone like Freddie -- someone who endured himself in the life of crime -- would want to marry me. I wasn't sure if saying yes to him would be appropriate. He had just lost a dear friend. A friend that he'd known for years. Getting hitched would be wrong. It would be similar to a quick fix of heroin or some other drug you find on the street.

I bit my lower lip and give the man I loved a small smile. "You don't want to marry me, Freddie." I finally replied, my hand on the doorknob.

Freddie bit his lower lip, too. "I would love to marry you." He said. "I'm not perfect, but as long as you stayed with me and you still think that I am perfect, I'll be everything you want me to be and more."

My heart stung. I felt bad for hurting him like this. However, I knew it was the right thing to do.

I lightly dropped my hand at my thigh, and gave a small smile. "I'm sorry Freddie, but, I can't do this right now." I replied. "You're hurting and, I don't want to be the reason why you'll regret your decision in the future."

"But Amelia, you won't be the --"

I cut him off. "-- I have to get going."

I grab my satchel and exit out of Freddie's flat. It hurt me to do that, but I knew that after Freddie was done grieving that he'd come back to his senses and be back to normal.

..

We all gathered around the graveyard after we had Max's wake. The English rain was pouring down, and everyone was quiet. Freddie stood next to me, but he didn't look in my direction the entire time the pastor preached about life and death. I wouldn't blame him, though. I hurt him pretty badly and when Freddie was up at the podium, giving everyone a chance to listen to his and Max's adventures, he was so shaken up that he nearly toppled to the floor.

As soon as everyone began to pile into their vehicles, I walked alongside Freddie, studying his body language.

"Are you okay?" I asked, lightly grabbing his arm.

"Yes, I'm fine," Freddie replied. "I'm fine as one who is grieving can be. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to be left alone."

Without another word, he sped up his walking pace and left me stranded out in the rain.

...