Back To Our Roots, Book One

CXXI. What The Fuck, Thad?

When Kurt woke up, he immediately panicked, realizing that he had fallen asleep. He immediately shot up, disoriented as he realized he wasn't in the hall.

"Hey, hey, Kurt, it's okay. You fell asleep in the hall and I didn't want to wake up Blaine or Sawyer so you stayed here," a familiar soothing voice said.

He looked over, seeing a worried-looking Thad sitting on the edge of the bed. "I– thank you. I, I don't want to go back to my dorm."

Thad frowned. "What do you mean? What's going on?"

"It's Blaine," Kurt admitted in a whisper. "He–" he cut himself off, hand suddenly reaching up to the side of his neck. "Where'd my scarf go?"

"It's right there," Thad nodded to the bedside table. "I didn't want it to suffocate you while you slept. It happens, you know."

Kurt looked shocked. "But the– they– I–" he spluttered.

Thad chuckled softly. "You think you're the only one with scars from trying to speed this all up?"

He wrapped his scarf around his neck, confused. "Speed this all up?"

"You know, life. I mean, we're all going to die in the end, and then it's just death. Just blackness, we don't exist anymore. Everything we did, everything we do, it doesn't matter. We're just distracting ourselves from the facts that this is all going to be over. And what then? The world goes on without you. People still go to the theater, people still write books, people still film movies– it's all like you never left. And you're stuck in this void of buzzing black, and everything's just gone. It's all pointless when we'll die in the end. It's ridiculous to pretend otherwise."

"I..." Kurt didn't have words. "Thad, do you need to talk?"

"Yes, I really do. But what's up with you and Blaine?"

"I... When I tried to kill myself, he and Hunter went back to our dorm. He must have seen me. I mean, how is he not disgusted? I probably looked awful, practically dead. How can he just look at me like he loves me when he's seen that, when he's seen how messed up I am, how-"

"Kurt. He didn't see you."

Kurt blinked. "What?"

"He didn't see you. In the waiting room he was getting mad at Hunter for holding him back so he couldn't see you. Then someone said something depressing about how it'd be burned into your brain and it changed the topic."

He sighed, falling backwards onto the bed. "Oh my god, I love Hunter."

Thad was quiet for a minute. "Blaine said he told you that."

"I was trying to remember if he did. I was on so many pain meds in the hospital I hardly remember anything."

"Well, you've got a worried-out-of-his-mind Blaine to go talk to," Thad said.

Kurt turned and hugged him tightly. Thad hugged back, a bit surprised.

"You know we love you, right? You're a brave, strong man, and you're one of my best friends. But if you can't see that, then you're the biggest piece of shit in the world."