Out of the Shadows ✔️ [Completed] [Book One]

Chapter 18

Sleep evades me while I watch the dim light of dawn creep into the room and rise until it fills every crevasse with morning sunlight. All I can do to clear my head is run. I literally run as fast as I can for as long as I can but it's no good, the feeling of foreboding will not leave me. By the time I return to my flat my legs feel like concrete and I tremble from exhaustion. I sit on the floor in the shower and try to let the hot water cleanse me. However, I don't feel any better when I sit on the tube to work.
                                                                                                
The office is already a hub of activity, but my personal assistant is not in yet and I need a cup of tea before I sit down to wade through the mountain of work on my desk. When I approach the kitchen I hear two women gossiping. I can tell immediately that the topic of their hushed tones is me. I listen intently out of sight to the side of the doorway, like a coward.

"...I know. I mean she is attractive but no way is she in his league. She's no Lucy is she?"

"No, those two were made for each other. I'm sure he's just passing time with Lizzie. The papers say he's heading to L.A. soon for some promotional stuff, so I bet he'll ditch her then for someone hotter. It's not going to last, I mean her husband cheated on her you know. She found them together."

"Yeah I know, Sam told me. Apparently her husband was quite the catch, so someone like Daniel Weston isn't going to stick around is he?"

They both laugh and I quickly make my way back to my office and close the door just in time for the tears to flow. I curse myself for not bursting in there and giving them both a piece of my mind. But then what would be the use – everything they said was the truth.

There is a message on our group and I'm pleased that Caroline and Sarah want to meet tonight for a catch up. I need someone to talk to before I implode. I keep myself busy and luckily have a couple of meetings in the afternoon. My mind is distracted all day, but the knot in my stomach will not leave. I return to my desk and I'm overwhelmed with self doubt. What people are saying about me is right; I have nothing to offer Daniel. My chest tightens and my heart begins to race. I cannot catch my breath. I feel lost and my self-control is non-existent. Daniel consumes me and I know I would not be able to go back to the way I was before I met him. He has opened the door and I have willingly followed him through it.

That evening we sit in our usual bar, at our usual table and order our usual drinks. I've spent the last half an hour listening to them both talk about their weekends before the tables are turned on me. I'm reluctant to tell them everything, but after what feels like an interrogation, they both know exactly how I feel.

"Jump his bones already." Sarah laughs, but I know she means it. "You'll feel more in control once he's putty in your hands."

Predictably, Caroline is more in tune with my feelings. "I think it's time for you to move on, I've told you that a thousand times. Sod all the haters out there and those bitches at work, they're all just jealous of you. You might get hurt, but guess what Lizzie, you might not. Just let yourself go; it has got to be better than this robot you've become." Caroline's words hit me hard. I sit back in my chair shocked.

"That's how you think I behave?"

"Sorry to be blunt. We love you, you know that." She looks at Sarah for support, who nods a little too enthusiastically. "But since you moved here you have built a wall and you keep everyone out. Look, we get it. We know why and it's totally understandable, but if you don't let someone in, you're going to end up alone for the rest of your life and you above most people deserve to be happy. Just let yourself feel sweetie, he's not Ed. Also I doubt he would care what strangers are saying online, he's used to it remember ... Please listen to me, I only have your best interests at heart."