Out of the Shadows ✔️ [Completed] [Book One]

Chapter 47

Although I want nothing more than to stay at my parents and hide away forever, I know I have to return to the real world. Somehow I have to begin to get on with my life. My heart to heart with dad has given me the courage to keep going with the life I have built for myself and make him proud. Without Daniel I am in perpetual darkness and I just pray that in time I will wake up to the light once more.

When I return to London my little flat is cold and dark. I switch the heating on and make myself a cup of tea. I notice Daniel's blue jumper draped over a chair. Just the sight of his things brings on another deluge of tears. I stride around my flat with a black bin bag, crying uncontrollably and throw in everything that belongs to him. I fling the bag in the back of my wardrobe with more force than is necessary and slam the door.

When I enter the lounge I see his precious TV. As if I am a woman possessed, I fight with its weight to pull it off the stand. I then drag it into the spare room out of sight. My breath is ragged and my muscles ache, but somehow I manage to lift my old TV back into its rightful place.

I'm trembling, so I force myself to sit down and drink my tea. I see my phone on the coffee table and I know it's time to switch it back on. It has been a whole week since it has been on and I hold my breath when I press the power button. I hear a flurry of beeps, but I'm not ready to look at it yet. So I just leave it abandoned on the table.

I turn on my TV and lo and behold Daniel appears on the screen. It's an advert for the new war film he has been promoting and he looks ridiculously handsome in uniform. I instantly turn the TV off and throw the remote down a little too aggressively onto the table.

I call Sarah because I need someone to let Helen know the gory details before I go to work tomorrow. I don't trust myself to be able to tell her what happened without making a total fool of myself.

"Hey Lizzie. You home now?"

"Hey. Yeah I'm back. You both OK?"

"Yeah thanks Hun... Andy says hi."

"Say hi back please. I'm sorry to interrupt your night, but can I ask you a favour?"

"Don't be stupid, you're not interrupting anything and ask away."

"Could you ring Helen for me and explain what has happened."

"Hun, she already knows. She called me earlier today. She said your phone was off, but she was worried as you weren't with Daniel when he was being interviewed. I told her, so don't worry."

"Thanks for letting her know." I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

"How you doing?"

"Fine." I lie.

"You're a shit liar now." Sarah laughs.

"OK, I will be fine. I got to go. Speak tomorrow."

"Yes, you will be fine... I promise. No doubt in my mind at all. Bye."

I don't know how I'm ever going to feel normal again; I don't even know where to start because the emptiness inside me is a void that is too deep and wide to ever heal. Baby steps I tell myself.

I decide to have a bath with my book and a glass or two of wine. I stay in there until the water is lukewarm and my skin has pruned. I put on my pyjamas and trawl through my DVDs until I find something I can watch to take my mind off everything that I'm feeling. I grab the first season of Dexter knowing that it is sufficiently violent to keep my thoughts from anything emotional. It helps because I must fall asleep in front of the TV somewhere around 2am. I wake to my alarm screaming at me and I force myself to go for a run even though my body is exhausted.