Dark (A Louis Tomlinson story.)

Chapter 30- Deadly Thoughts

AMANDA'S POV

"I'm sorry Amanda, I'm so sorry." He whispered as tears rolled down his blood stained cheeks.

"Harry, it's fine, it isn't your fault." I said.

"Yes it is! All of this is my fault! Louis being in jail is my fault, you being hurt is my fault, everything is my fault!" He yelled as he slammed his hand into the steering wheel.

"Don't be so hard on yourself Harry, Louis being in jail isn't your fault." I said quietly.

"Yes it is Amanda! If I didn't let him take you he wouldn't be in jail right now! He wouldn't have found you with Niall so he would have had no reason to beat him!" He yelled.

"Harry, this isn't your fault, this is my fault! Just stop yelling!" I yelled.

"This isn't your fault." He mumbled as he turned back around in his seat.

I looked out the window as Harry started driving again. The car was silent except for the sound of rain hitting the car. It had just started raining but it was raining really hard.

"Bring me to Lou's house." I said still looking out the window.

"Amanda, Louis wanted you to stay with me." Harry replied.

"I said to bring me to Lou's house!" I shouted.

"Amanda just stop, Louis wanted me to protect you and that is what I am going to do!" Harry yelled.

"I can protect myself Harry, I don't need you!" I yelled.

"Amanda, please just listen to Harry." Niall said as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled as I hit his hand away from me.

"Amanda! Just calm the fuck down! We are trying to help you but we can't help you if you keep pushing us away!" Harry yelled.

"I don't need help Harry! I am perfectly fine by myself!" I yelled.

"If you stay by yourself Zayn and Liam will probably catch you and they'll probably end up killing you, is that what you want?" Harry shouted.

"Maybe I do just want to die, maybe I don't want to live on this planet anymore!" I yelled.

Harry slammed on the brake and pulled over. He got out and slammed his door shut. He opened my door and pulled me out before he shut the door again leaving Niall alone in the car.

"Amanda, don't you ever say that again." He said a single tear rolled down his cheek.

"Harry, I just can't stand it anymore, I just want something to go right for once." I whispered.

"That's why I'm here, I'm trying to help you but you need to want my help in order for me to help you." He said quietly.

"I know Harry, I just, I just don't want to live anymore." I whispered, my gaze falling to the ground.

"Amanda, please don't say that because the thought of you dying scares me." He said as he lifted my chin up with his index finger forcing me to look at him. "I really care about you Amanda and I don't ever want you to leave me."

We were now standing there in the pouring rain. His face wasn't bloody anymore, we were just soaked. I didn't know what to say so I just looked up at him dumbly with a blank expression. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his torso before I buried my face in the piece of soaking wet cloth that covered his chest.

"Please don't even think about dying anymore." He murmured, I could tell he was now crying.

"I won't Harry, I won't." I whispered into his chest.

He pulled away slightly before he just stared at me. He kissed my forehead lightly before he opened the car door for me again. I slid into the car before he shut the door and got into the drivers seat. Niall was just staring at us, he had no clue what just happened and I really didn't plan on telling him. I leaned back as Harry began driving again. My soaking wet hair was leaving small droplets of water on the seat as I looked out the window.

"Are you okay now?" Niall asked me.

"Yeah." I replied turning to look at him.

"Okay, you were scaring me with the way you were talking about dying." He murmured taking my hand in his.

"You don't have to worry about that anymore Niall." I said quietly.

"Good." He mumbled.

He slid closer to me before he wrapped his arm around me in a hug. I hugged him back but he pulled away quickly.

"You're really cold Amanda." Niall said with a concern tone.

He looked around for a blanket as I just looked at him. After a moment he finally found a blanket. He wrapped it around my cold and wet body before he wrapped his arms around me providing me with extra heat. He rocked back and forth as he hugged me. He began humming into my wet hair as Harry drove leaving the car almost silent again. I had a secret that neither of them knew about, I was still thinking about dying, I was still thinking about killing myself. It's not like I've always wanted to die, I just can't handle this world anymore, I just can't handle my life anymore. I knew if Louis was here he'd know what to do but he isn't here. You know why Louis isn't here? Because nothing in my fucked up life ever goes right.