Dark (A Louis Tomlinson story.)

Chapter 20- The Tears On My Cheeks

AMANDA'S POV

I woke up the next morning with Louis' arms still wrapped around me. I tried to slide out quietly and not wake him up but it didn't work. His arms tightened around me, pulling me closer to him.

"No, I want you to stay here." He mumbled, his voice was raspy.

I didn't say anything, I just settled down next to him. I had just closed my eyes trying to get comfortable when I felt something on my lips. I opened my eyes to see Louis kissing me. I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him off of me.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked quickly standing up off the bed.  

"What? You kissed me yesterday, did your feelings change over night?" He asked angrily as he stood up in front of me.  

"How can that happen when I never had feelings for you?" I yelled.  

"Do you really not remember? You kissed me last night!" He yelled.  

"I think I would remember if I kissed someone as disgusting as you!" I yelled.  

"Oh, so now I'm disgusting, that's definitely not what you were thinking when you crying into my shoulder yesterday." He growled.  

"I was crying because of you and you don't even care." I said angrily.  

"Who said I didn't care that you were crying because of me? Did you think I wanted to make you cry? No! I didnt!" He yelled.  

"It feels like you want me to cry again because you are yelling at me for something I had no control over." I said before sitting down on the bed so I was facing away from him.

I felt the bed dip down from him sitting next to me. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry love, I didn't mean to make you upset." He said quietly as he rubbed my back. 

"Can you just leave me alone, please?" I asked quietly in almost a whisper.  

"Sure, would you like some breakfast?" He asked as he stood up, his voice cracked at the end, I could tell he was about to cry. 

"No thank you." I mumbled before he walked out of the room.

LOUIS' POV

Well, I've officially blown it. Good job Louis. You deserve a medal. I stumbled into the living room and sat down on the couch. I instantly rested my head in my hands as I thought. I felt like I was about to cry. I felt as though I was about to burst into tears and never stop crying until Amanda felt better.

I hated myself. It wasn't that I was just mad with myself, I hated myself. I hate the way I act. I hate the way I am. I hate the way I live my life. I just hate myself. I don't understand why I can't manage my anger, I always seem to take my anger out on Amanda which is the last thing I want. I never want to hurt Amanda yet that's what seems to happen a lot. I get mad or upset and I take it out on Amanda even though she doesn't deserve it.

I felt something warm roll down my cheek. I wiped it off my cheek. I looked at the my hand, I was expecting blood for some reason but nothing was there except a tiny droplet of water. That's when I realized I was crying. I can't remember the last time I cried, Amanda was really special to me and this just proved to myself how much I love her. Tears started rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably and I was gasping for breath even though my throat was starting to get tighter from crying which was making it even harder to breathe.

I tried wiping away the tears constantly to try and make it look like I wasn't crying but it didn't do much. Anybody who looked at me right now would be able to tell I was crying. My eyes were red, puffy, and glossy with tears. The tears I wiped away were always replaced with new ones. I was gasping for breath. I was just a complete mess.

I've never cried over a girl before, I don't even think I've even came close to crying over a girl. Usually I would just brush it off and forget about it but I truly love Amanda. I don't understand why she doesn't like me back. Can't she see that I am trying to keep in my anger? Can't she see that I'm trying to be nice? Can't she see that I am in love with her? It seemed the more I thought about her the more I cried.

"Louis?" I heard a soft voice say from a few feet away. "Louis? Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine." I mumbled, my voice raspy from crying and gasping for breath.  

"No you're not." She says sitting down next to me. "Tell me what's wrong." 

I let out a loud sigh how was I supposed to tell her I love her? After thinking for a minute I started speaking, "Well..."