Dalliance |h.s|

Ch.XXIX {hella upset tho}

[[[ L A V E N D E R ]]]

I wake up next to Monica, my head pounding. Wait what the fuck, Monica? I look under the sheets of her bed and notice we're both super not clothed. I look around and can't find my clothes deciding maybe we started this in the living room before moving to the bed.

"There you are" i whisper to myself, snatching up my wallet and throwing the more simple dress over my head, grabbing a hoodie of hers to hide the fact i'm in too big of a rush to put on a bra right now. I sneak out the front door, a migraine forming. Ugh food, meds, water, where you at though?

I walk a block or two before seeing a bus stop. Fantastic! i don't need to call anyone.

-

"where have you been?" i hear someone say from the living room. Well my sneaking skills got worse in the time it took me to get over here.

I walk into the living room and see Anita sitting on the couch with her arms folded. 

"Oh my gosh you scared me, i thought you were someone important-"

"What you mean like your father or i? We're used to it" My mum walks in from the kitchen and hands me a plate of food. "Go give this to Marcel, tell him we have a pleasant day of go-cart racing planned.

I take the plate and try to kiss my mum on the cheek but she coughs and i jerk back.

"You wreak of booze, go shower"

i climb the stairs and knock on my bedroom door. When he doesn't answer i open it and see him already packing.

"Knock knock" i say as i knock again. no response, the silent treatment. Lovely. "Mum made this for you... if you're hungry-"

"You can't just go out and hook-up with whoever every time things get bad!" Marcel says over his shoulder, still folding a few of his socks all proper. I shut the door behind me and walk over to the bed, sitting down and looking up at him.

"I love you" I whisper.

"Not right now Lavender. I'm seriously doubting you at the moment-"

"You're doubting me? You're the one that said i'm naturally rude and disrespectful-!"

"And was i wrong? you went out last night and disrespected our relationship entirely!"

"People do stupid things when they're mad" I felt small and this was making my head feel worse. "hold that thought" i get up slowly and walk to the bathroom to grab a tylenol or two. When i reenter my room Marcel is sitting on the bed with his face in his hands.

"I'm sorry i made you feel bad yesterday. I shouldn't have told you how to treat your own parents. That's between you and them, it wasn't my place" he gushes.

"Marcel... baby. You have no idea how sorry i am for my actions yesterday-"

"You're just as sorry as you were when you told me about Tomlinson" He whispers, choking on a sob.

"I completely understand if you want to break up with me, i probably would've dumped my ass the first ti-"

"Lavender you don't get it! i can't leave you because i love you" He looks at me with tears in his eyes and then puts his face back in his hands.

"I love you t-"

"Don't fucking say it. If you loved me you wouldn't have cheated on me... twice, Lavender, two times!"

"Marcel-"

"I'm not leaving you, i'm leaving this place. I'll see you in a couple of days, we both could use the space" He picks up his bag and heads downstairs.

This whole meeting the parents thing might've been the worst decision we could've made this early in our relationship. But at the same time it's really shed some light on the kind of people we both are... and maybe if he can't break up with me... i'll break up with him because as much as it pains me to say, he deserves so much better.

What is wrong with me? Why am i so fucked up? Why am i so sensitive and defensive? Why can't i be the girlfriend he deserves? I just want to be with him and be happy and have a healthy relationship but... maybe that lifestyle isn't for me? What if i'm destined to be a hooker because that's the only way i seem to be able to please Marcel is with sex and hell i could make a career of that. Marcel could get on with his life and marry the real woman of his dreams and maybe have their own little family.

That's all i want but if i'm unable to commit fully to Marcel or any one person in general i fail to see how that could ever be a possibility.

As horrible as it may seem... I'm going to have to break up with Marcel the next time i see him. I'll have to explain why so obviously a list has started in my head. It's for the best, i'll say, but i love you, he'll say. I'll need to find a way to not cry in front of him though so i start another list of things that annoyed me in our relationship and thinking back he didn't really do anything annoying and if he did i was just overreacting.

I don't want to break up with him, half my brain cries out.

It's for the best, the smarter half reminds me.

I need to leave soon too actually, Monica will be stopping by sooner or later to ask what happened and i'm not mentally prepared for that conversation.

I pack up my things in a rush, not bothering with a shower or new make up, and head to the train station. 

-

"you look like shit" Matty points out as i walk through the door of my dorm. I couldn't care less that she'd stayed here while we were gone and if i'm being honest i really could use someone to talk to.

"meeting parents is always a bad idea" I plop down on my bed and breath in the scent of my home.

"What happened?" She asks curiously.

"Not that i feel i can really trust you at the moment but Marcel and i have never argued more than we did while we were there" I groan in remembrance.

"Aw spill it sister"

+++

you're welcome. goodnight, bless.

Ciao! Moi ;*